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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25764715">I Wish I Had Met You Sooner</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WWJHD/pseuds/WWJHD'>WWJHD</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dead To Me (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>2017, Affairs, Alternate Universe, Denial of Feelings, Divorce, F/F, Jen has a crush, Mostly Jen &amp; Judy, No Ben, No Steve, Nobody is Dead, Strangers to Lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:41:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>33,895</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25764715</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WWJHD/pseuds/WWJHD</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What happened with Jen felt different. Jen was fascinating. Jen was intimidating. They had nothing in common, yet something clicked, something unexplainable.</p><p>What if Jen and Judy had met under other circumstances and their paths in life were a little different? </p><p>2017 AU.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Judy Hale/Jen Harding, Michelle Gutierrez/Judy Hale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>123</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. July 17th, 2017 - Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The alarm clock going off at 6:30 am was about the only thing in Jen Harding’s life that had remained consistent over the past months. Jen slowly opened her eyes and immediately felt the tension building in her head. It started in the back of her neck and crept forward. She had barely slept four hours. Sleeping had always been difficult for Jen and it hadn’t improved since she caught her ex-husband cheating on her in their guest house.</p><p>Jen and Ted’s marriage had its ups and downs. As the years went by, it slowly started to crumble, so slowly that their problems became somewhat normal to them. They hadn’t shared real intimacy for a long time and Jen blamed herself. She became insecure of her body and felt consumed by anger and resentment. All Jen ever wanted was to feel loved and protected, something that Ted was unable to give her.</p><p>When Jen found out about Ted’s affair, her heart broke into a million pieces. She screamed her lungs out at her asshole husband to get the fuck out of their house, the home they had shared together for twelve years with their two boys, Charlie and Henry. Jen never wanted to see his fucking face again and Ted left for good that evening. He moved in with his mother Lorna, temporarily. It had been eight months and Ted was still living with Lorna.</p><p>Jen had always been quick to anger. She constantly felt like a ticking time bomb and protected herself from the outside world with her tough and sometimes cold personality. She craved happiness and love more than anything, but she wouldn’t allow herself to be vulnerable enough to find it. Love scared her, so she was done with all of that.</p><p>When Jen saw her own reflection in the bathroom mirror that Friday morning, she decided it was time to do something for herself. The past months had really taken a toll, both mentally and physically, and she didn’t want her life to keep on going without even trying to improve it. She had to, at least for her boys.</p><p>Jen took a quick shower to wake her from her sleepy state and put a little bit more effort than usually into getting ready. She was relieved to see that Charlie and Henry had already started with the process of the morning by having cereal in front of the television. Jen had lost count of how many times she had asked the boys to please eat their cereal by the kitchen counter, not by the TV, but she let it slide this time.</p><p>“Morning boys.” Jen’s voice was slightly raspy. She placed kisses on the top of their heads and cleared her throat. “You must be ready in half an hour, I have an early clients’ meeting and I cannot be late.” Dropping the boys off at school was new for Jen, it had always been one of Ted’s parenting duties. Charlie gave his mom a tired look and nodded. Jen worried about Charlie. Since the divorce he had been spending more time on his phone or in his room playing video games. But maybe he was just becoming a teenager.</p><p>“Hey mom, aren’t we staying with dad and grandma over the weekend?”</p><p><em>Fuck</em>, she had forgot. It was Ted’s weekend with the boys, they were going fishing and apparently Lorna was joining them.</p><p>Jen picked up the two empty cereal bowls and put them in the dishwasher, thinking about her lonely weekend ahead.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Jen’s client meeting was a success, just as she expected. She would always be excellent at her job despite everything else in her life being a complete disaster. It was almost noon and she didn’t have any other meetings or showings scheduled for the rest of the day, so she called her hairdresser Christopher. They had been friends for years.</p><p>“Bonjour!” Christopher answered the phone. He was shouting, yet Jen barely heard him. Loud music was playing in the background.</p><p>“Hi Chris, where the fuck are you?” Jen shouted back, just as the background music faded out.</p><p>“I’m at a gay bar in Paris! Simon’s band is touring Europe this summer, new city every day. Fab, right?!” Jen could hear him perfectly now. The thought of Christopher being his boyfriend’s groupie for the summer amused her.</p><p>“Yeah, totally.”</p><p>
  <em>Totally? Ugh.</em>
</p><p>“Well, I have an emergency situation going on with my hair but obviously you can’t do anything about that right now. I haven’t seen you in probably a year so you can imagine how bad it is.”</p><p>“Oh shit, I’m sorry Jen. I wish I could help. I know some of my clients have been going to Judy in my absence. She’s the best, the cutest little ray of sunshine. I’ll text you her number.”</p><p>“Thanks Chris. Have a great fucking summer.” Jen hung up, frustrated that Christopher had gone to Europe for the whole summer without telling her.</p><p>It wouldn’t hurt to give Judy sunshine a call.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Judy spent her Friday morning decorating. She danced happily around the apartment, humming to a song on the radio while waiting for her girlfriend to return from the farmers market. She put fluffy blankets and pillows on the couch, added a few more scented candles in the bathroom and placed fresh flowers and fruits on the kitchen counter. Judy had an eye for everything that was beautiful.</p><p>Judy and Michelle had been together for almost five years and Judy had been ready for a long time to take the next step in their relationship, being the one who suggested they’d buy their own place. She dreamed of a big family and if it was up to her, they’d already have a big house, a bunch of kids and a dog. But Michelle wasn’t on the same page. Whenever they discussed having kids, she wasn’t ready or it wasn’t the right time, sometimes changing the subject. Judy hoped a more domestic life would open Michelle’s mind to the idea of starting a family. The apartment had an extra bedroom, which Judy couldn’t wait to decorate as a nursery.</p><p>Judy sat down on the couch with her big coffee mug, wrapped in one of the fluffy blankets. It was noon when her phone rang.</p><p>“Hello.”</p><p>“Hi, uh… Judy?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Hi. I’m Jen, I’m a friend of Christopher’s. I got your number from him. Are you working today?” Jen was direct, she hated small talk.</p><p>“I actually took the day off. Wait, did you hear from Christopher? How’s he doing? How’s Europe?”</p><p>“Chris is uh... fine.” Jen assumed he was fine, she never asked how he was doing but he sounded fine. She ignored the rest of the questions. “Okay well, I just wanted to check if you were available today-”</p><p>“Yes!” Judy cut Jen off before she could finish the sentence. “I’m available this afternoon. I love Christopher’s clients, they’re so nice. Is 4 pm okay? I’m not really able to come in earli-”</p><p>“4 pm is perfect.” Jen was now cutting Judy off, before she’d change her mind. “I guess I should warn you, my hair is a fucking disaster so it’s probably going to be a lot of fucking work.”</p><p>Judy laughed. Jen intrigued her. “Great, I can’t wait!”</p><p>Jen raised her eyebrow, surprised by the genuine laughter she received on the other end. Christopher’s description was pretty accurate. Judy seemed like the happiest person on the fucking planet.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Jen arrived at the salon right on time and was browsing through a magazine when a woman quickly approached her. The woman had tight skinny jeans on, white tank top tucked into her jeans, naturally wavy dark hair down to her mid-back and a beaming smile on her face.</p><p>“Hi! Are you Jen?”</p><p>“I am, are you Judy?” Jen immediately got lost in Judy’s amber brown eyes.</p><p>
  <em>Wow, this woman has beautiful eyes.</em>
</p><p>“That’s me! It’s so nice to meet you Jen. Please follow me.”</p><p>Judy quickly turned around as Jen followed her into the salon. “I’m so sorry for being late, I was at the gym and got stuck in traffic on my way here.”</p><p>Jen checked what time it was. “It’s only four minutes, I’ll live.”</p><p>Judy giggled nervously as she guided Jen to her chair.</p><p>“Thanks for having me on such short notice. I didn’t mean to ruin your day off.” Jen surprised herself with her own politeness. She was never nice to strangers.</p><p>“Oh no worries, you didn’t ruin anything.” Judy smiled and securely stroked Jen’s shoulders. Jen flinched a little by the touch. She wasn’t used to touches, nobody touched her like that. Judy didn’t seem to notice Jen’s reaction and mumbled something about her apron being lost as she twirled around, looking in all directions.</p><p>Judy’s attention was soon back on Jen. “So, what are we doing today? Your hair isn’t so bad. I thought I’d be dealing with a train wreck based on your description.” Judy smiled as their eyes met in the mirror. Jen wasn’t sure if Judy was being sarcastic or not.</p><p>“I haven’t really thought about it.” Jen shrugged and broke the eye contact. “Whatever you think will look good on me. I’m just sick of it.”</p><p>“First of all, anything would look good on you.” Judy was still smiling. A little smirk formed on Jen’s lips, disappearing as fast as it appeared.</p><p>
  <em>Ugh, Judy’s smile was infectious.</em>
</p><p>Judy ran her fingers a few times through Jen’s long hair, closely observing the ends. “Unfortunately the ends are pretty damaged so I want to start by cutting it and then colour it later.”</p><p>“Yeah okay, that makes sense.”</p><p>“I think we should take off some length, like up to your collarbones to get rid of the damaged ends. Would that be okay? It will look so much healthier.” Judy waited for Jen’s reaction.</p><p>“That's fine." Jen paused. "Actually, I'd like to go shorter, like above the shoulders."</p><p>Jen didn't know where her sudden courage came from.</p><p>Judy's eyes went wide. “Are you sure?” </p><p>“I think I am. I’ve always wanted to cut my hair short.”</p><p>That was true, but Ted preferred long hair so she never went through with it.</p><p>Judy took a moment to discuss different lengths to give Jen some time to reconsider, to possibly change her mind and back out of everything. But Jen wasn't backing out and immediately agreed on the one that was Judy’s favourite, a mid-neck length, right between her shoulders and her chin. </p><p>A comfortable silence fell between them as Jen watched Judy chop off her hair. It felt cathartic, her long hair represented a life that she wanted to let go of, a life that didn’t exist anymore. Occasionally Judy broke the silence, making sure Jen was okay. Jen wasn’t sure if she was, but she trusted Judy.</p><p>“What do you think?” Judy asked when Jen’s hair was about an inch below her chin.</p><p>“It’s… very short.” Jen ran her hand through her hair. “Fuck, I love it.”</p><p>A sigh of relief escaped Judy’s lips.</p><p>“I love it too, it looks so good on you."</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>“Your natural blonde is actually a very pretty colour.” Judy grinned. Jen hated her natural hair colour, but Judy continued before Jen could object. “But we could enhance it with some lighter tones, mostly towards the ends.”</p><p>Jen liked Judy’s idea, she could easily picture it looking good.</p><p>Jen couldn’t help but glance up at Judy as she walked away to mix the colour. Jen was pretty sure the combination of Judy’s very tight clothes would not look good on anyone but Judy. She really had the perfect body.</p><p>Soon Judy was back and while she painted strands of Jen’s hair, she started talking, <em>a lot</em>. Jen wasn’t really in the mood for much talking, wishing they’d go back to the comfortable silence they shared earlier. But Judy didn’t seem to get the hint as she went on and on about how jealous she was of Christopher going to Europe, how she always wanted to go there and how excited she was about the new apartment she recently purchased with her partner. That subject caught Jen’s attention and got her talking.</p><p>“I’m so happy Michelle and I finally have a place that’s ours. It feels like a new beginning, you know?”</p><p>
  <em>Michelle? Wait, Judy is gay?</em>
</p><p>“I do know.” Jen waited for Judy to take over the conversation again, but Judy seemed lost in her own thoughts, so Jen continued. “Since I got divorced I’ve been wanting to sell the house and get a smaller one for me and my boys. But it’s hard to actually go through with it, it’s the only home they have ever known and with all the changes they’ve been through, I fear moving will be too much for them. It’s been a lot for all of us.”</p><p>Jen knew the smartest decision financially was to get a smaller place, the house was too big and she could barely afford it now as a single parent.</p><p>Judy listened carefully, surprised by Jen opening up to her like that. She finished coloring the last strands of Jen’s hair, reached for a chair and sat down, looking straight into Jen’s eyes. “That’s understandable. Kids are resilient though, they’re tougher than you think. How old are they?”</p><p>“Charlie is twelve, Henry is seven.” Judy’s beautiful eyes made Jen feel safe to share her most private thoughts. “They’re great boys, it’s been hard for them since their dad moved out. He was always the involved parent. I worked a lot and wasn’t around much. Since the divorce I’ve had to become more involved, but I don’t think I’m very good at it.” Jen had never shared with anyone how she truly felt about being a mother and the crippling regrets she had. “I’ve always found it hard, juggling being a working mom and being there for my boys. I’ve missed out on so much. I want to become a better person, a better mother to them.”</p><p>Jen felt the tears form in her eyes and broke their eye contact. Judy grabbed both of Jen’s hands into her own, caressing them with her thumbs.</p><p>“I’m sure you’re a wonderful mother Jen. Your boys are lucky to have you and you’re lucky to have them. You’re doing your very best and your boys know that. They love you unconditionally.”</p><p>Jen looked back into Judy’s eyes as Judy continued.</p><p>“I don’t have kids myself, but it has always been my dream to become a mother. I actually pictured myself having four kids, two boys and two girls, but that’s maybe too much to ask for. I really don’t need all four.” Judy looked down into her lap. There was suddenly so much sadness in Judy’s face. “I just want to be a mother one day. Hopefully I’ll be as lucky as you.”</p><p>Jen was speechless, she didn’t know what to say or do when Judy quickly let go of Jen’s hands, got up and excused herself. It was the first time Jen had seen Judy’s smile leave her face and it was like the whole world became a darker place.</p><p>She desperately wanted to go check on Judy, but she was nowhere to be seen. Judy finally came back a while later, all smiles, so Jen decided she wasn’t going to bring up what they talked about earlier. Judy seemed to be back to her usual cheerful self as she checked how Jen’s hair was doing.</p><p>“Okay, it’s time to rinse!”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh fuck, oh my god. Fuck fuck fuck.</em>
</p><p>Jen really had to fight back the moans and hoped Judy didn’t notice how much she was enjoying her unexpected scalp massage. Oh yes, Judy had found her weak spot. It was like Judy was massaging away all of Jen’s resentment and anger, her tension and aches. Sadly, it all came to an end way too soon, about twenty minutes later. She immediately missed Judy’s heavenly touch.</p><p>“Oh, you liked that?” Judy noticed that Jen was smiling.</p><p>Jen gave in and let out a little laugh. She didn’t remember the last time she laughed.</p><p>“It’s just… yeah, it was really great, the massage. I loved it so much.” She knew she sounded ridiculous.</p><p>Judy smirked as she towel-dried Jen’s hair. “You’re welcome. I love giving massages, I actually have a license in massage therapy.”</p><p>
  <em>Jesus, did Judy have any flaws?</em>
</p><p>Judy continued, lowering her voice a bit. “I’m a very handsy person, I love make people feel good with my hands.” Judy winked at Jen in the most obvious silly way possible, which made Jen laugh even more.</p><p>“Okay Judy, too much information.”</p><p>“Sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>The two women kept talking like they had known each other for decades. Even the loud noise from the blow drier didn’t stop them. Jen had never opened up to another person like she was opening up to Judy, not even to Ted.</p><p>There was something about Judy that made Jen vulnerable. Judy had broken down Jen’s tough exterior, completely unaware of what an achievement that was, and snuck her way in.</p><p>“How did you usually style your long hair?” Judy asked as she turned off the blow drier.</p><p>“Uh, I didn’t really style it much. A ponytail or a bun was my go-to most of the time, because it was easy and I didn’t bother with anything else. Honestly, I stopped caring about my hair.”</p><p>“Aw Jen.” Judy pouted. “Do you like waves?”</p><p>“Hmmm what?”</p><p>“In your hair. I'm thinking about ways for you to style it and soft waves are perfect for this length. Shouldn’t take you too long either, which is of course a big plus.” Judy had a pretty clear vision. “Kind of like messy tousled curls.”</p><p>
  <em>Curls?</em>
</p><p>“Okay fine, let’s do curls.” Jen rolled her eyes, teasing Judy. “I haven’t used a curling iron since I was a dancer. I don’t even own one.”</p><p>Judy laughed. “Not curls Jen, waves. It’s not the same. I’ll show you how it’s done and which products to use. You can have this iron if you want, I have another one.”</p><p> </p><p>Judy demonstrated the technique of soft waves with such care and patience, like she had all the time in the world. Sure, Judy made it look easy, but Jen knew she’d need to work on her patience if she was going to master this every morning.</p><p>When Judy was done, she loosely parted Jen’s hair in the middle and tucked one side behind her ear.</p><p>“Wow, you look hot Jen.”</p><p>Jen’s cheeks suddenly got very warm, very fast, and a much-needed confidence boost ripped through her body. She was in love with her new hair and of course Judy had been right about every single thing.</p><p>Judy handed Jen the curling iron. “Just remember, practice makes perfect.”</p><p>“Thank you, Judy.” Jen genuinely smiled at the little miracle worker that Judy was.</p><p>“Ah, was that a smile?” Judy gasped, pretended to look surprised.</p><p>“Nope, nope it wasn’t.” Jen shook her head, unable to stop smiling, amazed by how well Judy knew her already.</p><p> </p><p>As they walked towards the door, Jen acted on pure impulse and asked Judy if she had any plans later that evening. “I’m in the mood for something fun tonight. Go out, have a few drinks. Dance maybe. Would you like to join me? I mean, if you’re free of course.”</p><p>Judy hesitated for a second. Jen immediately regretted asking, it was understandable if Judy wanted to keep her personal life separated from her professional life.</p><p>“Never mind I asked, of course you have plans. It’s a fucking Friday night.” Jen blurted out.</p><p>“No, no actually I don’t have any plans. Well, I was planning to spend the evening with me, meditate and journal, but of course I’d rather have drinks with you. I don’t know about dancing though, I’m not very good at dancing.” Judy pouted.</p><p>Jen didn’t buy it, in her eyes Judy was the perfect human. They made plans where and when to meet and said their goodbyes, for now.</p><p>Jen couldn’t quite comprehend what had just happened. Never in her life had she acted on impulse, not like this. Sure, her impulse had caused her to yell at people when they didn’t deserve it, but this kind of impulse was very much out of character for her. It had paid off and for the first time in a very long time she felt happy and had a positive feeling in her gut.</p><p>She felt connected to another person, someone who she felt safe to be with and open up to. And what an unlikely friendship it was.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. July 17th, 2017 - Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Showering people with generosity, care and love was Judy’s nature, but most of the time it wasn’t returned. Sincere mutual bonding didn’t happen very often. With Michelle it happened pretty immediately, they shared similar interests and passions in life, so it was easy. What happened with Jen felt different. Jen was fascinating. Jen was intimidating. They had nothing in common, yet something clicked, something unexplainable. How could such polar opposites bond so fast?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Judy was the last one to leave the salon. She thought about Jen on her way home, that woman was something else. So tough. So broken. So beautiful, without knowing it.</p><p>Showering people with generosity, care and love was Judy’s nature, but most of the time it wasn’t returned. Sincere mutual bonding didn’t happen very often. With Michelle it happened pretty immediately, they shared similar interests and passions in life, so it was easy. What happened with Jen felt different. Jen was fascinating. Jen was intimidating. They had nothing in common, yet something clicked, something unexplainable. How could such polar opposites bond so fast?</p><p>Choosing an outfit for the night caused Judy some anxiety. She knew she wanted to wear a dress, she had a whole collection of colourful dresses, mostly floral. After trying on about ten different ones, she ended up choosing a gorgeous monochrome silky dress. Her floral ones felt too casual. The dress was blush-pink, kind of loose, knee length, long sleeved, low cut and wrapped around her waist. She brushed her hair back into a slick high ponytail and touched up on her make-up, applied a little bit of bronzer, her favourite perfume and a clear lip-plumping gloss. She placed a golden bracelet on her left wrist and rings on her fingers.</p><p>Judy put on her heels and leather jacket, texted Michelle about her sudden change of plans and was off to see Jen.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Jen wasn’t sure how to define the place where they decided to meet. It was a mix between a restaurant, a bar and a club, but she kind of liked it. The interior was dark and the lights were dimmed, giving it a comfortable vibe. The music wasn’t too loud either.</p><p>She took a seat by the bar and was soon accompanied by two glasses of white wine, one for Judy and one for herself. She was already sipping on her wine when Judy approached from behind. Jen flinched when Judy touched her shoulder. Flinching had become her body’s automatic response to any kind of touching.</p><p>“Oh, I’m so sorry Jen. I didn’t mean to startle you.”</p><p>“Judy! You look nice.” Jen silently gasped as her eyes went up and down Judy’s body and she knew that <em>nice</em> was an understatement. Judy looked so different in a pink silky dress and a ponytail compared to her tight jeans and tank top look earlier in the day.</p><p>“Thank you, so do you. I love your hair.” Judy smirked.</p><p>Jen flicked her head to the side and ran her hand through her hair. “Oh yeah, thanks. I have the very best hairdresser. Her name is Judy, you want her number?”</p><p>Judy’s big laugh sounded like music to Jen’s ears.</p><p>“Just so you know, if I had known about everything you’ve been through with the divorce and all, I probably would’ve talked you out of such a big change. Hopefully you won’t regret it.” Judy looked genuinely concerned.</p><p>“Fuck no, I won’t. It’s a bit scary, I’ve never had short hair before and right now my chest and shoulders are fucking exposed, but it feels good. I needed this.” Jen smiled and pulled Judy’s hand into her lap, hoping it would wipe off the concerned look on Judy’s face. “My marriage ended eight months ago, it’s not like it happened yesterday.”</p><p>“Okay. Honestly, it would be kind of dumb if you had regrets, because it looks amazing.” Judy’s silly wink was back, and Jen couldn’t stop herself from cracking up.</p><p> </p><p>When Judy turned around to reach for her glass, Jen noticed a small heart shaped tattoo on the back of Judy’s neck.</p><p>“You have a tattoo?” Jen knew the question was stupid, the tattoo was obviously there, but she was curious about it.</p><p>Judy touched the back of her neck. “Oh… I do. It’s a long story.”</p><p>“I’d love to hear it, if you want to share it with me.” Jen took another sip of her wine.</p><p>“Okay sure. Well, it’s a hollow heart. I was just a kid when I got it, I had just turned fifteen. It didn’t really mean anything to me back then but now it kind of represents my childhood. Life was pretty tough back then.”</p><p>“Fifteen?! What the fuck, that’s badass.” Jen wanted to ask Judy about her childhood, but Judy continued.</p><p>“Right? I was friends with much older kids, I doubt the guy knew my real age. He probably wasn’t a real tattoo artist either.” Judy laughed. “God, it could’ve turned out so much worse.”</p><p>Jen smiled. “Can I see it again?”</p><p>Judy turned her head and pulled her ponytail to the side. Jen thought it was a really nice tattoo, placed perfectly on Judy’s neck. Whoever tattooed a kid back in the day did a pretty fucking awesome job.</p><p>“It’s nice, I really like it.” Jen was tempted to run her finger over it but quickly lowered her hand as Judy turned around.</p><p>“Thank you. I haven’t always liked it though, but I'm fine with it now. It means a lot to me. It will always be there, it’s a part of me, just like my childhood.”</p><p>Judy paused and took a sip of her wine. “I actually have three more.”</p><p>“Three more tattoos?”</p><p>“Mhm, but they are not for show.”</p><p>Jen almost spit out her wine and Judy burst into laughter.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>“Should we move to one of the tables in the back?” Jen asked when it started to get busier at the bar. She had already ordered another glass of wine for herself and a Moscow Mule for Judy.</p><p>“Yeah, sounds good.” As soon as their second round of drinks was served, Judy followed Jen towards a table in the far back.</p><p>“Are you hungry?” Judy asked.</p><p>“I’m starving.” Jen hadn’t eaten since lunch, so the wine was already making her a little tipsy.</p><p>They scooted through the food options on the menu and placed their orders. Turned out Judy was a vegetarian, which didn't really come as a surprise to Jen.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I ask you about your divorce?” Judy asked with her mouth full of cauliflower taco.</p><p>“Sure. What do you want to know?” </p><p>“Well, what happened?”</p><p>Judy really hoped she wasn’t coming across as too much.</p><p>“I caught my ex-husband cheating in our guest house, that’s basically what happened. His affair ended our marriage, officially, but it had actually been over for a long time. Neither of us felt happy and it often felt like a chore, like a daily routine that we were both stuck in.”</p><p>It felt strange but also okay to be sharing the struggles of her disaster marriage with Judy. “I’ve been so angry at myself for not finding out about the affair sooner. I should have known.”</p><p>“You can’t blame yourself though, none of this is your fault.” Judy would never understand how anyone could cheat on Jen, she was heaven on a stick.</p><p>“I’ll always blame myself. He hadn’t touched me since my surgery. My scars were too much for him.”</p><p>“What surgery?”</p><p>“You know…” Jen looked down on her chest.</p><p>“Oh my god, did you have cancer?”</p><p>“No, but I have the gene. I didn’t want my boys to lose their mother.”</p><p>Jen was fighting to keep back the tears, staring down on her drink when she felt Judy’s soft hand on her cheek. Jen slowly looked up.</p><p>“Hey.” Their eyes met again. Judy’s voice was so soft and sweet. “Can I give you a hug?”</p><p>Jen wiped a tear that trailed down her cheek and made space for Judy on her side of the table.</p><p>“Yeah, come here.” She took Judy’s hand and pulled her over.</p><p>Judy tightly wrapped her arms around her. Jen was unsure what to do with her hands, so she placed them softly on Judy’s waist.</p><p>“Thank you.” Jen whispered into Judy’s ear.</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>“For today, I guess. For making me feel beautiful and safe.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.” Judy’s grip tightened around Jen.</p><p>Of course Judy was a great hugger.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Three drinks later they were both feeling the alcohol. Judy was more of a lightweight. She didn’t drink very often, occasionally she’d have a glass of wine with dinner but that was about it.</p><p>Judy was still sitting on Jen’s side of the table. Jen was now comfortable with Judy’s touches, even initiating them herself.</p><p>Jen turned sideways and rested her head against the wall behind them as Judy checked her phone.</p><p>“Is everything okay?” Jen asked when she spotted a little frown on Judy’s face.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s fine.” Judy put her phone back on the table. “I haven’t heard back from my girlfriend. It must be a busy night.”</p><p>“Michelle, right?”</p><p>“Yeah. She runs her own restaurant, so she’s pretty busy.”</p><p>“She’s a chef?”</p><p>“The best chef in the world actually.” Jen saw how Judy’s face lit up when she talked about Michelle. “I’m so proud of her, but since she took over at the restaurant we haven’t spent much time together. We’ve barely shared any time in our new place.”</p><p>“Does she also want to become a mother someday?”</p><p>Jen’s very direct question caught Judy off guard. “I’m sorry Judy, I get if it's a sensitive subject.”</p><p>“It’s okay. I mean, she says it’s what she wants eventually, but she also feels like it’s never the right time for us. We both work a lot and we work opposite hours. I do the normal hours and she works afternoons and evenings, sometimes into the night. I guess she just can’t picture a baby in our already busy lives.”</p><p>Jen could read Judy’s face like an open book by now. “I get that, but can I be honest with you?”</p><p>“Of course you can.” Judy smiled a little and squeezed Jen’s hand.</p><p>“It never feels like the right time to have kids and I doubt it does for anyone. It never felt like the right time for me, I wasn’t even sure I wanted kids and getting pregnant with Charlie was actually an accident. But fuck, I’m so glad it happened. As soon as it happens, everything just falls right into place and you can’t imagine life any other way.”</p><p>“I know.” Judy knew Jen was right. “You’re so lucky to have your boys.”</p><p>Jen let go of Judy’s hand. She grabbed her phone and scrolled through the photos. She finally found a decent one of the three of them, taken shortly after she had filed for the divorce.</p><p>“This is the best picture I can find. Charlie is always such a little dick in every photo.”</p><p>“They are adorable Jen! Henry looks so much like you.” Judy’s eyes filled with happiness as she zoomed in on their faces.</p><p>“Thanks, I guess he does. He got his cheerful personality from someone else though. It’s definitely not mine.” </p><p>Judy flipped over her phone. She had a photo of her and Michelle as a screensaver.</p><p>“You two look cute, she’s pretty.” Jen thought Michelle looked very young. “How long have you been together?”</p><p>“Five years next month.”</p><p>“That’s a pretty long time.” Jen paused for a bit. “Do you only like girls, or do you go both ways?” Jen wasn’t sure why she wanted to know, it was probably the alcohol. Judy didn’t seem to mind the question.</p><p>“I’ve dated guys before, but all of my longest relationships have been with girls. I’ve never really labelled myself. I know when I’m in love, it’s never really mattered with who.”</p><p>“That actually sounds like the most normal thing in the world.”</p><p>“Mhm, it makes sense if you think about it.” Judy smirked. “What about you?”</p><p>“I’ve only ever dated men. Ted and I were together for eighteen years and before him I dated some assholes, but it was never serious. It was always Ted, so I’ve never really given my sexuality much of a thought.”</p><p>“Can you see yourself dating a woman?”</p><p>“God, I’d be so fucking clueless, I’ve never even kissed a woman.”</p><p>“You haven’t?” Judy looked surprised.</p><p>“No, why do you look so surprised?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I guess I just assumed you had, I mean, at some point. In college or something.” Judy said and sucked on her straw. “You’ve been missing out.”</p><p>Jen laughed. “Honestly though, I can’t see myself dating anybody. I think I’m done with all of that.” A strand of her hair fell in front of her face, so Judy tucked it back behind her ear. Judy’s hand lingered there, gently stroking Jen’s jaw with her thumb.</p><p>“But you’re so beautiful Jen.”</p><p>Jen’s cheeks flushed. She slowly grabbed Judy’s lingering hand and pulled it down into her lap, intertwining their fingers. She tilted her head to the side and smiled as they looked at each other for a while without saying a word. She suddenly felt her heart racing. When the moment between them became a bit too intimate, she broke the silence.</p><p>“I kind of feel like dancing. Do you want to dance?” The music was pretty good, and it was getting louder and more crowded on the dance floor.</p><p>Judy nodded. “Yes, but first we go to the bar.”</p><p>With their fingers still intertwined, Jen led Judy towards the bar. After downing three Tequila shots each, they headed for the dance floor.</p><p>Judy wasn’t the best dancer. She was actually kind of dorky and her funny moves made Jen smile. Jen gave up following Judy around the dance floor and pulled her in closer, moving them to a more secluded area.</p><p>“Put your arms around my neck, I’ll show you how to move your hips to the music.” Jen was a bit taller than Judy, which was perfect for what she had in mind. Judy wrapped her arms around Jen’s neck and Jen placed her hands onto Judy’s hips, guiding them along with the beat of the music.</p><p>“Oh my god Judy, slow down. You’re moving too fast.” Jen buried her face into Judy’s shoulder as she let out a laugh.</p><p>“I told you, I’m not a very good dancer.” </p><p>Judy slowed down a bit and with Jen’s help, she was finally moving her hips to the beat. Judy tightened her grip around Jen and tucked her face under Jen’s chin. There was no longer any space between their bodies. Jen froze, not sure how to react by the sudden closeness, but soon clenched her hands together around Judy’s waist.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Jen asked Judy, who had closed her eyes. She could feel Judy’s warm breath on her chest.</p><p>“I feel a little dizzy, I think the Tequila is kicking in. But this is very nice.”</p><p>Judy was right. It was very nice to hold Judy in her arms. Judy’s tanned skin felt so soft, and she smelled so nice. Jen could feel how incredibly toned Judy’s body was just by holding her close.</p><p>“Thank you Jen.”</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>“For asking me out tonight. I’ve never been asked out by a hot blonde before.”</p><p>Judy looked up, she had the biggest smile on her face. Her drunk eyes were just as beautiful as her sober eyes.</p><p>“Very funny Judy. You know it’s not a date.”</p><p>“No?” Judy’s thread her fingers through Jen’s hair.</p><p>“Nope, definitely not a date.” Jen smiled and leaned her head backwards into Judy’s touch, completely exposing her neck and jawline.</p><p>Judy started to place soft kisses on the side of Jen’s neck and up towards her jaw. Jen’s first instinct was to jump back but she didn’t. She slowly let go of her grip behind Judy’s back and cupped both of her cheeks, moving Judy’s face gently away from her neck.</p><p>“Judy look at me. I don’t think this is a good idea.”</p><p>“Hmmm you’re wrong, I actually think this is a very good idea.” Drunk Judy was adorable. As soon as she let go of Judy's face, Judy leaned back in and brushed her lips against her own. Jen started to panic but once she felt how incredibly soft Judy's lips were, she cupped Judy's face in her hands again and kissed her back. It was the nicest kiss Jen had ever had.</p><p>Jen broke the kiss eventually.</p><p>“What are we doing?” Jen asked, their foreheads touching.</p><p>“Hmmm, kissing?”</p><p>“We are.”</p><p>“You don’t like it?”</p><p>“Oh my god Judy, I fucking love it. But I’m going to take you home now.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. July 19th, 2017</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>All Jen could think about was how she’d always been extremely uncomfortable sharing a silence with others, but with Judy it felt like the most natural thing in the world.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In true Jen and Judy fashion, things happen very fast :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was past dinner time when the headlights of Ted's car lit up Jen's driveway. Her boys were finally home. Henry ran towards her as she opened the front door, wrapping his small arms around her.</p><p>“Mom! I missed you so much.”</p><p>Jen pressed a kiss on the top of his head. “I missed you too, honey. Did you have fun?”</p><p>“It was alright.” Henry shrugged and glanced up at her, furrowing his brows. “Your hair is different."</p><p>Jen smiled at her attentive little boy. "It is."</p><p>"I like it."</p><p>“Aw thanks boop. Now go inside and get ready for bed. It's getting late.”</p><p>Henry went upstairs to his room. Charlie soon approached her after taking forever to say goodbye to his father.</p><p>“Dad says hi.” Charlie mumbled as he passed her in the doorway, eyes glued to his phone. </p><p>Jen scoffed and slammed the door shut behind them, sending a clear message to her ex-husband who had rolled down the window, attempting to grab her attention. </p><p>Half an hour later, Jen tucked Henry into bed and laid down beside him. It had become their thing. Sometimes they read a story, sometimes they talked about life. Henry would always ask her to stay until he was all the way asleep, which she did. Every night.</p><p>She thought Henry was already sleeping when his big blue eyes suddenly flickered open.</p><p>"Mom?" Henry whispered.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>“I think dad wants to move back in with us.”</p><p>She was way too sleepy to be having this discussion with her son.</p><p>“What makes you think that?” </p><p>“Well, he loves you. He loves us. All of us, together, as a family.”</p><p>She took a deep breath. “Well, sometimes things don’t work out the way you want them to, even if you love someone."</p><p>Jen didn’t know how else to explain to her seven-year-old son that his father was a cheating asshole and they’d never go back to being a family like they used to be.</p><p>It seemed like a sufficient explanation for Henry, for now. They both fell asleep but Jen woke up a little later when her phone started to vibrate in the back pocket of her jeans. She moved slowly and silently from Henry’s bed and snuck into her bedroom.</p><p>She had received a text from Judy.</p><p>(8:49 pm): <em>i‘m so sorry about everything, thank you for taking such good care of me. xxx judy</em></p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Jen had brought a wasted but adorable Judy back to her apartment on Friday night. Jen knew the area where Judy lived, but wasn't sure which apartment building was the right one and she definitely didn't trust the inconsistent information coming from Judy. They stumbled around the neighbourhood for a good amount of time and normally, similar situations would've tested Jen's patience to the extreme, resulting in an outburst, but this time she didn't mind. On the contrary, the whole situation amused her. Judy had wrapped her arms around Jen's waist and rested her head on Jen’s chest, while Jen had slid her right arm around Judy’s back and held onto her side, almost carrying her. Their bodies were literally tangled together. Judy had refused to let go of Jen until they were inside, claiming Jen's chest was warm and she'd get cold if she let go.</p><p>Michelle wasn‘t home yet, which was a huge relief for Jen. She was definitely not sober herself so meeting the girlfriend of the woman she’d just made out with didn’t seem like a good idea. She unwrapped Judy’s arms from her waist and carefully placed her on the couch, before getting them both a glass of water. She took off Judy's heels and tucked her in a blanket, making sure she was comfortable. As Jen was leaving the building, she passed a tall young woman by the entrance and immediately recognized her. It was Michelle.</p><p>Jen woke up on Saturday morning feeling content, which was a strange and foreign feeling. She had slept for almost eight hours and stayed in bed for the remainder of morning, reminiscing about Judy and the events of Friday. Judy had made her feel beautiful and vulnerable, she made her smile and she saw her. Judy made her feel seen. Jen didn’t believe in fate or soulmates or any of that shit, but she felt like Judy was already an important piece to the complex puzzle that was her life.</p><p>But as the weekend passed, Jen’s initial happiness faded, and was soon replaced by the familiar feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. A part of her wanted to pretend like Friday never happened and even regretted befriending Judy. She wasn’t the clingy type, so it should be easy for her to forget about everything. Forget about Judy. </p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Jen read Judy’s text and felt like a teenager with a crush. She threw her phone to the opposite end of the bed and let herself fall backwards into the pillows, groaning as she covered her face with her hands. She wasn’t sure what was going on with her. Did she have feelings for Judy?</p><p>She knew her feelings didn’t matter anyway. Judy was in a committed relationship so from now on, whatever they’d have, it could only be platonic. Why would Judy even like her? Why would Judy even want to be her friend? Everyone in Jen's life kept telling her she wasn't exactly fun to be around, she could be snappy and mean, and Judy was the fucking sun and all of the sparkling stars too. Sure, Judy had kissed her and it was the nicest fucking kiss Jen had ever had, but at that point Judy would've kissed anyone. <em>Right? </em></p><p>Jen desperately wanted to go back to not giving a single fuck about anyone except her boys. She decided to take a shower, to clear her mind and gather her thoughts. As she closed her eyes and hot water hit her face, her mind kept replaying glimpses of that night. Jen pictured Judy's smile, the sound of her laugh, the feeling of her touch, even the smell of her perfume. She'd been waiting all weekend to hear from Judy and now when she had, she didn't know what to do. The purpose of the shower had failed miserably so she turned off the water. Wrapped in a towel, she reached for her phone and sat down on the edge of her bed.</p><p>A missed call from Judy.</p><p><em>Fuck.</em> Her fingers went on autopilot and before she knew it, she was calling Judy back.</p><p>“Hi.” Judy's voice was so sweet.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>“Were you sleeping? I’m sorry if I woke you. And I'm so sorry about everything. I feel so bad. I overste-”</p><p>Jen cut her off.</p><p>“It’s fine. We might have gotten a little too drunk, but I had a great time.”</p><p>“Okay. Are you sure? Because I’ve been feeling like shit, I’m so stupid. I always fuck everything up. I'm so sorry, I should never have kissed you, it was such a huge mistake. I don’t know what I was thinking.”</p><p>Jen felt like she’d been kicked hard in the stomach. She exhaled silently, leaned backwards onto the bed and closed her eyes.</p><p>“It’s my fault too. I didn't know you were such a fucking lightweight.”</p><p>Judy laughed. It felt good to hear Judy’s laugh again, even if it sounded a little less genuine than she remembered.</p><p>“Honestly, I gulped down all these shots because I was so nervous to dance with you. I knew you’d be really good since you used to be a dancer.”</p><p>Jen scoffed. “Oh god Judy, that was ages ago. Now I’m an old lady with a bad back.”</p><p>“I think you were still pretty great.” Judy said quietly.</p><p>They stayed silent for a moment. Jen felt like Judy was waiting for the right moment say something and couldn’t quite get to the point. </p><p>Judy's sniffles broke the silence. </p><p>“I told Michelle about the kiss.” </p><p>The knot in Jen’s stomach tightened and she felt a lump in her throat.</p><p>Judy continued. “I had to tell her. I mean, she knew something was up. My stupid face always gives everything away. After staying in bed all weekend, kind of avoiding her, she didn’t buy my lame hangover excuse anymore, so I told her the truth before she left for work this afternoon.”</p><p>Jen felt responsible, their night out had been her idea to begin with. All she wanted to do was to hug Judy until she'd stop crying. She hesitated for a moment, while summoning up the courage to invite Judy over to her house.</p><p>"Do you want to come over? We can open up a bottle of wine and watch TV. We can also just talk, if you want to. I, uh, hope we can be friends. Ugh gross, sorry.”</p><p>Judy’s sobs were now a bit quieter. “Okay, yes I’d love to. I just have to change into something else.”</p><p>“Me too, I'm wearing a fucking towel.” </p><p>Jen changed into an oversized t-shirt but felt too warm to put on pants. The big scrappy shirt covered enough anyways. Her hair was still wet, so she blow-dried it quickly and put her glasses on, before texting Judy her address.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Jen heard a light knock about twenty minutes later. She gasped as she opened the door, the sight of Judy took her breath away. Judy was so tiny, wearing a yellow floral maxi dress and flat sandals, and so beautiful without any make-up, her eyes a bit red and puffy and her long wavy hair blowing into her face.</p><p>“Hey, uh… Hi. Come on in.” Jen stuttered while her eyes were fixated on the ethereal perfection that Judy was.</p><p>“Thanks. Thank you for inviting me over... Wow, this is a nice house.”</p><p>Jen felt Judy’s eyes lingering on her behind as she led Judy to the kitchen, wishing she had put on pants.</p><p>“You have dancer legs.”</p><p>Jen chuckled. “I definitely do not.”</p><p>They smiled shyly at each other when they locked eyes by the kitchen counter.</p><p>“You look really great with glasses.”</p><p>Once again Judy’s kindness amazed Jen. It always seemed to be Judy’s top priority to shower her with compliments and make sure she felt good, even if Judy clearly felt miserable herself.</p><p>Jen took her glasses off.</p><p>“I actually forgot I still had them on. I only need them when reading.”</p><p>It was windy outside, so the two women opted for the indoor living room. Jen opened a bottle of wine and poured into two glasses. They sat on the couch and talked. Everything flowed so easily between them, just like before. Jen made sure to give Judy all the time and space she needed. After a short small talk about Jen’s deteriorating eyesight which was, according to Jen, due to her old age, Judy couldn’t hold back any longer and opened up about Michelle.</p><p>“She just left when I told her about the kiss. Shut the door and was gone. I don’t even know if she made it to work safely because she won’t return my calls.” Judy sounded defeated. “Our relationship has been far from perfect recently."</p><p>Jen reached out for Judy’s hand. As Judy grabbed it, one of the straps of her dress fell down, exposing two deep red marks on her chest, close to her left shoulder.</p><p>“What happened?” Jen’s eyes went wide.</p><p>“Uhm, I… I don’t know." Judy pulled the strap back up. "Weird, right?” Her smile looked forced and eyes trailed off somewhere into empty space. Jen knew something was off. Judy started to shake like a leaf and tears were running down her cheeks. Jen scooted over to Judy's end of the couch and pulled all of Judy into her chest to calm her down. Judy held onto Jen’s arm with both of her hands.</p><p>It felt good to have Judy in her arms again. The way Judy fit perfectly into her body, like she was made to be there. They stayed like that in silence until Judy had stopped shaking. All Jen could think about was how she’d always been extremely uncomfortable sharing a silence with others, but with Judy it felt like the most natural thing in the world.</p><p>“Please Judy, tell me what’s wrong. You can tell me anything.”</p><p>Judy kept sniffling, she wanted to tell Jen the truth. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.</p><p>“I did it, I hit myself.” </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“The marks. I punched myself. Over and over again.”</p><p>Jen was having a hard time believing the words coming out of Judy’s mouth.</p><p>“Wha-, why?”</p><p>“That's what I do." Judy paused, feeling like her heart was going to burst out of her chest. "...when I hurt the people I love. I take all the guilt and shame out on myself.” She paused again to wipe away her tears. “I guess I really went for it tonight. I’ve be-” Judy took another deep breath. “I’ve been like this since I was a little kid. I’ve never actually told anyone.”</p><p>Jen felt like she was choking on the imaginary lump in her throat, unable to say anything. Her eyes welled up and tears started to fall down her cheeks. She kept picturing Judy, the sweetest and kindest person in the whole fucking world, physically hurting herself. She pulled Judy even closer into her body.</p><p>“Please don’t cry Jen. I know I can be a handful. People say wherever I go, chaos follows, and there's probably some truth in that. I understand if you don’t want to get sucked into my chaos. I really should leave before I hurt you too.”</p><p>Judy tried to pull back, but Jen tightened the grip around her. She had never held anyone so tight.</p><p>“Fuck no, you’re not going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere either. I’ll always be here for you, if you want me. I hope you’ll stick around for me too, because believe me, I’m a fucking handful and I really fucking need you Judy.”</p><p>Jen rested her head on top of Judy’s, who had already cradled her face deep into Jen’s neck.</p><p>“When did it start?” Jen asked, hoping Judy wouldn’t mind.</p><p>“I’m not sure." Judy paused, thinking of a certain time or place where it all started. "I don’t remember being any other way, so I guess I was young. I’d always find good places to hide from my mom, or my foster parents or the kids at school, I’d hide for hours, too ashamed and scared to get caught punching…”</p><p>Judy started to sob heavily into Jen's neck.</p><p>“It’s okay baby. We don’t have to talk about it.” Jen placed a soft kiss on Judy’s forehead and ran her fingers through her dark locks, brushing all of them over one shoulder, to stroke her neck and back. Judy flinched when Jen touched the side of her neck, which was when Jen noticed another mark on Judy's skin. It was bigger and darker than the other two, already bruising. Jen's heart shattered by the sight.</p><p>They stayed like that for a while. Jen kept stroking Judy's back very gently and rocked her in her arms. Both of them were emotionally exhausted. Jen thought about how she could easily fall asleep right there, with Judy in her arms, head resting on top of Judy's.</p><p>“I’ve officially dumped Christopher.” Jen whispered into Judy's ear, hoping to bring a smile to her face.</p><p>It worked. Judy tiredly laughed as she pulled back a little to look at Jen and for the first time, Jen saw a glimpse of happiness in Judy’s tearful eyes.</p><p>“Wait, does that mean you’ll always come to me?”</p><p>“Fuck yeah.”</p><p>“Oh no, poor Christopher.”</p><p>“He’ll be fine.” Jen wiped tears from Judy’s cheeks. “You won't be able to get rid of me. I'll be there at least once a week for a head massage because you're so fucking good at it.”</p><p>“You liked it that much?” Judy had a teasing smirk on her face. “You know I can give you a massage whenever you want.”</p><p>Judy was now sitting and Jen leaned her head into her. Judy got the hint. She placed her arm behind Jen on the top of the back pillows, and started massaging her head in firm circular motions, all the way to the back of her neck, twirling strands of Jen’s hair around her fingers. Jen felt shivers going down her spine and a little moan escaped her lips. Accidentally.</p><p>“Oh fuck, sorry.”</p><p>Judy smiled. She loved to watch Jen melt into her touch, revealing a side of Jen that Judy rightfully guessed had been suppressed for way too long. </p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>It was midnight when Judy quietly mentioned that she had to get going. She wanted to be home before Michelle’s shift was over.</p><p>Jen opened her eyes and slowly shifted her head to the side, gazing into Judy's eyes.</p><p>“Yeah okay. Of course.” She got up and held out her hands for Judy, who took both of them. Jen pulled Judy up with too much force, so they bumped into each other and Judy had to steady herself by grabbing Jen’s hips. Jen almost tripped over, taking Judy with her. They both giggled and their eyes met for a brief moment while Judy's hands lingered on Jen's hips.</p><p>“I’m really glad you came.” Jen smiled softly and squeezed Judy's hands, removing them from her hips.</p><p>Judy pulled her into a tight hug and whispered into her neck. “Me too. Thank you for everything."</p><p>Jen rested her head onto Judy's shoulder, closing her eyes, wishing the moment could last forever. She titled her head sideways and whispered back, “you’re lucky I showered, I’ve smelled like a mix of tequila and sweat all weekend.”</p><p>And there it was, Judy’s genuine laugh.</p><p>When they finally broke their hug, Judy was still smiling and tucked Jen's hair behind her ears.</p><p>"You're so pretty."</p><p>Jen avoided eye contact and Judy quickly turned around, grabbed her jacket, purse and eventually Jen's hand and they walked towards the front door.</p><p>When Judy was gone, Jen felt like she needed a minute to catch her breath. <em>Fucking hell</em>, she did have feelings for Judy. And Judy even liked her, maybe a little more than she should? Friends didn’t go around touching all the time, wiping each other's tears and kissing each other’s faces. Or did they? Jen had never really had a close friend before, so she had no idea what was considered appropriate and what wasn’t.</p><p>With Judy, the lines were definitely very blurry.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. August 22nd, 2017</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>She missed Judy’s touches and being caressed, cared for and complimented like there was no tomorrow. To be yearning for those things from a woman confused her even more, more than she liked to admit and made her sometimes wonder about her sexuality and her past. She recalled countless of evenings spent with Ted on the living room couch, usually sitting at the opposite ends because he preferred it that way, and none of them coming close to the one evening she’d shared on that exact same couch with Judy in her arms. With Judy it had finally felt like home.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For the past few weeks, Charlie had noticed some changes in his mother's behaviour. He couldn’t figure out the cause, but she was different and miraculously, the changes were positive. Fewer outbursts in grocery stores, less cursing in the car. She’d also been way more chill when negotiating laptop hours with him and her weekly phone calls with his dad had almost been going without a hitch.</p><p>It was early Saturday morning and Charlie was sitting by the kitchen table when he heard his mother coming home. She’d just finished her morning run, her headphones were still in her ears when she entered the kitchen, smiling ear to ear.</p><p>“Uhm, are you okay?” Charlie asked, pausing the game he was playing.</p><p>“Jesus fuck Charlie.” Jen jumped back and pulled out her headphones. “I didn’t see you. Yeah, of course I’m okay, why? What’s up?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Charlie shrugged. “You seem happy. It’s weird.”</p><p>Jen scoffed. “Well I fucking am. I crushed my time, new personal best.” She pointed proudly at her watch while trying to catch her breath.</p><p>The real reason behind her happiness that morning was a text she'd received from Judy. Texting in the morning had kind of become their thing for the short time that they’d known each other. Judy would send her sweet messages when she woke up, usually followed by pictures of adorable animals, making Jen start most of her days with an embarrassing smile on her face. Of course, she’d never admit that she loved Judy’s morning texts and silly animal pictures, but she didn’t have to. Judy just knew.</p><p>Jen walked towards her son, swallowing the rest of her water with a gulp. “Why are you up already? I thought you’d be sleeping in today.”</p><p>“I wish. Henry’s weird friend Shandy woke us up, she was here fucking early. They are upstairs in Henry’s room. I have no idea what they are doing, some weird shit for sure.”</p><p>“Mmm okay.” Jen was too occupied with her phone to express her sympathies over Charlie’s lost hours of sleep. Judy had sent a picture of a tiny squirrel playing the flute and Jen really struggled hiding the smile that was forming on her lips.</p><p>She texted Judy back and put her phone on the table, avoiding looking in her son's direction. “Alright, I’m going to take a shower. It’s a new day Char.”</p><p>Charlie shook his head over his mom’s new positive outlook on life. Since when did she receive texts? He was even surprised she knew how to text. Something wasn’t right. Or maybe, something finally was. Either way, he certainly preferred this version of his mom.</p><p>An hour later Jen emerged back into the kitchen, wearing a dark blue strap dress that revealed more cleavage than she was comfortable with, but decided to go with it anyway. The last time she wore that dress was before her surgery and she never thought she’d be wearing it again, so she had securely tucked it away in the back of her closet. She had curled her hair and applied a little bit of eye shadow, mascara and sheer rosy lipstick. Charlie was still in the kitchen when he caught a glimpse of his mom.</p><p>“What’s going on?” He asked, not remembering the last time his mom looked so nice on a Saturday morning.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Jen paused and looked down, immediately knowing where the conversation was heading. “I wear this dress all the time.”</p><p>Charlie muttered an “okay” before his eyes were back on the laptop. Jen made herself a much-needed cup of coffee and joined her son by the table, legs still shaking since her morning run.</p><p>“Who’s Judy?” Charlie suddenly asked, sliding his mom’s phone towards her. “I swear I wasn’t snooping or anything, I mean, you left your phone right here. It was impossible for me not to see anything.”</p><p>Jen quickly grabbed her phone. “Judy is…” she paused, for some reason feeling like she had to choose her words carefully. “…my hairdresser.”</p><p>Charlie raised his eyebrow, not convinced. “Why is your hairdresser texting you?”</p><p>Jen’s attention had already faded away from her son. Despite being terrified of Judy’s rejection, Jen had summoned the courage to ask Judy to meet for lunch, but only if Judy was free and wanted to. She’d driven past this nice vegan restaurant a few nights ago, close by the beach, and wanted to try it out.</p><p>Jen finally looked up from her phone and met her son’s eyes, now biting the inside of her cheek to keep herself from smiling after reading Judy’s reply.</p><p>“Hey, can you watch your brother for an hour, maybe two? I’m going to have lunch with a friend. You can always call if anything….”</p><p>“Yeah sure.” Charlie sighed in relief. With his mom out of the house, he’d get to spend more time playing video games, as long as his brother and Shandy would stay out of his way.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>For Jen, the past weeks had felt like a light summer breeze. Since meeting Judy she felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders but at night, when her head hit the pillow, she'd wonder how Judy was doing. Apart from the text messages, they hadn’t talked since that night on Jen’s couch and ever since, she'd gone back and forth whether to call Judy but she never did. It had never been in Jen’s nature to reach out like that, to check how people were doing, even though Judy wasn’t just anyone. Judy’s sweet morning texts helped putting Jen’s mind at ease, they indicated Judy was doing fine and as a result, Jen worried less.</p><p>However, the intimacy they shared, which almost came too easily for the two of them, was still just as confusing for her. It scared her to think about what it all meant, because it was so out of her comfort zone but in the moment, when she lived it, she was never scared. Being in Judy’s presence made her softer than she'd ever been in her life and she had started to miss that feeling. She missed Judy’s touches and being caressed, cared for and complimented like there was no tomorrow. To be yearning for those things from a woman confused her even more, more than she liked to admit and made her sometimes wonder about her sexuality and her past. She recalled countless of evenings spent with Ted on the living room couch, usually sitting at the opposite ends because he preferred it that way, and none of them coming close to the one evening she’d shared on that exact same couch with Judy in her arms. With Judy it had finally felt like home.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Judy had made sure to keep herself extremely busy. Her days were long, packed with clients and appointments at the salon and work-out sessions early in the morning or late at night. She did it on purpose, so she wouldn't have to face her relationship difficulties and spend too much time alone in the apartment, where she‘d constantly be reminded of a future she no longer had.</p><p>The toughest conversation of Judy’s life took place in the middle of the night at Michelle’s restaurant, a week after she had confessed about kissing Jen. She needed to look Michelle in the eyes, she needed Michelle to listen but most of all, she needed answers. Judy couldn’t keep going like nothing was wrong. The conversation started with Judy telling Michelle about her night out with Jen. Michelle asked questions, she wanted to know who Jen was and why she was suddenly in Judy’s life. Judy could see the hurt in Michelle’s eyes, causing her to barely finish her own sentences between heavy sobs and apologies.</p><p>The conversation went on for a while before Judy intentionally steered it towards their real issues, which rooted deep within Judy’s incredibly strong desire to have children and Michelle’s avoidance and inability to give Judy the answers she so desperately wanted. Until now, Judy had been willing to brush off their problems and move on but confiding with Jen about her dream of becoming a mother and listening to Jen talk about her two boys opened up old wounds. Judy usually opted for the easy way out, which meant suppressing her feelings and keep on going, pretending everything was fine because she didn’t want to push anyone or be a burden, but she couldn’t do it anymore.</p><p>After begging Michelle for answers, Michelle finally admitted she wasn’t ready to have kids. She told Judy that she wanted kids at some point but not in the near future, which confirmed all of Judy’s fears. Hearing Michelle say the words out loud hurt more than she ever could’ve imagined. She’d waited for years for Michelle to be ready, pictured them together as mothers and done everything she possibly could to make it happen, only to find out it wasn’t enough. </p><p>The sun was already rising when they made the mutual decision to end it. Michelle insisted that Judy would stay in their apartment to begin with and even though Judy’s mind and body felt completely numb, she knew they'd made the right decision. Her desire to be a mother had become so powerful that it made everything else in her life insignificant in comparison and Michelle’s hesitance, whenever Judy brought up the one thing that mattered the most to her, kept breaking her heart.</p><p>Judy couldn’t wait any longer, she knew she didn’t have much time if she was ever going to get pregnant and carry a baby herself. For the first time in her life, she felt confident enough to pursue her deepest longing, the one thing she’d always known she was born to do and had wanted her entire life, and she wasn’t scared of doing it alone.</p><p>She woke up that Saturday morning with nobody by her side, a sight that was becoming familiar since Michelle moved out. But the feeling of sadness and heartbreak had slowly succumbed, overtaken by a mix of excitement and nervousness about this new chapter in her life that was starting.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Jen parked in front of the restaurant right on time. Given Judy’s questionable track record of punctuality, Jen knew she’d have a few minutes before Judy would get there, so she stepped out of the car, put her sunglasses on and lit a cigarette. She felt nervous. Soon she saw the small brunette walking towards her, wearing a short sky-blue wrap dress, carrying a bag almost as big as her.</p><p>“Hi, you look amazing.” Judy said, as she approached Jen.</p><p>Jen felt heat creep up to her cheeks. Suddenly she was unable to speak but before she knew it, Judy had pulled her in for a hug and all of it felt very familiar.</p><p>“It’s really nice to see you.” Jen whispered into Judy's ear, relieved she’d found her ability to speak. “I was smoking right before you got here. I’m sorry if I smell like an ash tray.”</p><p>Judy laughed. “You don’t, you actually smell really nice.”</p><p>They both pulled away from the hug at the same time, but Judy’s hands lingered a little longer on Jen’s waist. Jen took off her sunglasses and put them on the top of her head, smiling as their eyes met for a split second. “Should we go inside?”</p><p>Judy hesitated. “Actually, I have a better idea, if you don’t mind some sun in your face.”</p><p>The suggestion caught Jen by a surprise but she didn’t mind it, even if the expression on her face might have told a different story.</p><p>“I promise it will be nice.” Judy squeezed Jen’s arm as a sign to follow her. They walked towards the beach, only stopping to take their shoes off before their bare feet touched the sand. It had been years since Jen had gone to the beach. She remembered one time with Ted when the boys were younger and it had been a fucking nightmare.</p><p>“Oh wow, you really planned for this.” Jen said, when they’d found a nice little spot and Judy reached for a blanket from her bag, along with some delicious looking sandwiches and drinks.</p><p>“Maybe I did.”</p><p>Judy insisted it was no big deal, the idea had literally come to her on her way out. While she went on and on about the recipe of her own nut butter, Jen zoned out as she ate her sandwich, thinking about how much she loved this little moment they were having. Never in her life had she experienced anything remotely similar.</p><p>“It might sound sad, but I’ve never had lunch on the beach before.” Jen’s voice was soft and she smiled when she saw the little pout forming on Judy’s lips. “Thank you for all of this, it’s really sweet. I love it so much.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.” Judy beamed, she loved to make Jen smile. “Honestly, I wasn’t sure if you’d love it or hate it.”</p><p>Jen chuckled and pulled her legs closer to her chest, locking her arms around her knees, staring at the ocean. “Well, I’d have said no immediately if I’d known what you were up to. I’m not really the type of person to enjoy something like this.”</p><p>Jen tilted her head to the side to face Judy, who was already looking at her, eyes wide and serious.</p><p>“What type of person are you Jen?”</p><p>“I don’t know, I’m just not a nice person."</p><p>“That’s not true.”</p><p>“Judy, you barely know me.”</p><p>“Yes, I do, and I wish you’d see yourself the way I see you.” Judy placed her hand on Jen’s back and ran her fingers up and down her spine. Jen didn’t know what to say to that, so she stayed silent as she watched the waves hit the sand.</p><p>After a while, Judy wanted to know what Jen was thinking and placed her hand on the side of Jen’s face. “Jen, I…” Judy's eyes trailed down. “Oh my god, your shoulders are getting pink.”</p><p>Of course, Judy had thought of bringing sunscreen. They applied a good amount on Jen’s shoulders and decided it was time to head back before they'd suffer any sunburns. As they walked along the shore, Jen felt how Judy’s hand kept brushing against hers and eventually she grabbed Judy’s pinkie with her own. Jen felt like she was in a dream, she thought about how she was almost fifty and had never before walked along the beach, barefoot, holding someone’s pinkie. While they walked, they talked about their plans for the rest of the day. Judy was meeting a client in the afternoon, so she had to go to the salon for a little while and Jen had promised the boys they’d order pizza and have a movie night.</p><p>“It’s Henry’s turn to pick a movie and believe me, it’s going to be Finding Nemo.”</p><p>“I love that movie!” Judy jumped a little with excitement and her face lit up, making Jen smile because that exact reaction reminded her of her younger son when he got excited.</p><p>“You’re welcome to come over when you’re done working… I mean, if you’d like to spend your Saturday evening with me and my two monsters. They can be a lot.” Jen unintentionally tightened the grip around Judy’s pinkie to emphasize how she much she wanted Judy to come.</p><p>The wind had picked up and Judy’s hair was blowing everywhere, into their faces, their mouths and eyes, making both of them laugh. Jen didn’t mind, she loved the coconut and citrus smell of Judy’s hair.</p><p>Judy stopped and let go of Jen’s hand. “Wait, let me just...”</p><p>“Can I?” Jen asked, feeling like it was about time she did something nice for Judy.</p><p>Jen reached for the hair tie in Judy’s hand and took a step closer to thread her fingers through Judy’s hair, brushing it gently away from her face and pulling it back into a high bun. It was messy and far from perfect but on Judy it looked like her best work.</p><p>While Jen tucked away a few flyaway strands, she saw how Judy was staring at her lips and it felt like they were on fire. Jen got lost in the moment, the smell of the ocean, the feeling of wet sand between her toes and the closeness of Judy’s incredible body made her forget all about her surroundings and who might be watching them. She moved her hand down to Judy’s jawline and leaned in, until she felt Judy’s hitched breath on her face. When Judy didn’t pull away, Jen closed the gap between them.</p><p>At first it was slow and chaste, like two teenagers kissing for the first time, a little shy about entering an unknown territory but also desperate for more. They soon picked up the pace and when Jen nipped a little at Judy’s lower lip, before fully taking it between her own to suck on, Judy let out a little gasp. It was enough to make Jen very conscious about what she'd just done and she stepped back.</p><p>“I’m so sorry.” Jen groaned, as her head fell backwards.</p><p>“It’s okay.” Judy’s voice was calm.</p><p>The continued walking in silence. Judy had reached back for Jen's pinkie and her cheeks were still flushed when they got back to Jen’s car.</p><p>Jen couldn’t hold back anymore because, to her, none of it was okay. “I don’t understand how kissing you is okay because last time we kissed, it sure caused a fucking mess.” Her eyes teared up when she thought about the aftermath of their drunken night out, those deep red marks on Judy’s body would never leave her mind.</p><p>“This time it won’t.” Judy paused to clear her throat and lower her voice. “It’s over, Michelle and I broke up a few weeks ago.”</p><p>Jen’s whole body froze. “Jesus Judy, I’m really sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be sorry, it was going to happen at some point.” A tiny reassuring smile formed on Judy’s lips. “I'm fine, really. It was the right decision.”</p><p>“Okay.” Jen looked deep into Judy’s amber eyes. “You know, if you need to talk about it, I’m a pretty great listener.”</p><p>Judy reached for Jen’s hands. “Thanks. Maybe tonight.”</p><p>“So, you’ll be there for pizza and movie night?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’d love to meet your boys. Are you sure they won’t mind?”</p><p>“Fuck no, they are going to love you, especially Henry. Charlie is more of a challenge. He’s like me, hard to win over.”</p><p>The smugness of Jen’s voice made Judy laugh. “Oh, then it really doesn’t scare me. You were easy.”</p><p>Jen scoffed. “I’m not easy, I’m tough. I’m from Brooklyn.” She deepened her voice and pinched her lips, causing Judy to laugh even harder.</p><p>“You’re from Brooklyn? How did I not know that?” Before Jen could answer, Judy continued. “I know you want people to get the impression you are all tough and cold, and I admit I was definitely intimidated by you when we first met…”</p><p>“Good.” </p><p>“…but I’m so glad it was all just a front. Making you smile is not that hard actually.”</p><p>Jen was pretty sure her heart took an extra beat. Judy was right, the minute she broke through Jen’s tough exterior it had never been particularly challenging for Judy to make her smile. Judy’s presence alone was enough to make Jen’s cheeks hurt.</p><p>“Look, the truth is I…” Jen paused for a while to carefully think about what she was about to say. Judy waited patiently, intertwining their fingers.</p><p>“I really like you, like a lot, and that’s fucking hard for me to admit. I’m scared because I don’t know what’s going to happen, I just know I like you. You’re so beautiful and also way too good for me.” Jen felt her heart pounding in her chest. “I’m shit with feelings and all that.”</p><p>Jen never thought she’d ever be in this position, so desperately in need of confessing her feelings. Judy hugged her tight and softly kissed her cheek.</p><p>“I really like you too. Don’t be scared, everything will be okay. I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Jen was sitting in one of the outdoor patio chairs, having her second glass of wine. It was almost time to order pizza, she had very little appetite herself, but the boys were getting hungry.</p><p>“Charlie! Henry! Can you please come here for a second?” She sounded more serious than she intended, hoping the boys wouldn’t pick up on her nervousness.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Henry asked, eyes big with worry. “Are you cancelling movie night?”</p><p>“No boop, of course not. I just wanted to tell you that a friend of mine is joining us, her name is Judy. I told her we were having a movie night and it turns out Finding Nemo is her very favorite movie.”</p><p>“Wow, that’s so cool. I love when we have guests.” Henry beamed, unable to contain his excitement. He ran back inside into the living room to make sure Finding Nemo was ready to play when Judy got there.</p><p>“Judy? Your hairdresser?” Charlie asked, more skeptical than ever. Jen knew he’d have some follow up questions.</p><p>“Yeah, that Judy. She’s also a friend.”</p><p>“You met her for lunch today, right?”</p><p>“I did.”</p><p>“And she’s coming over for dinner?”</p><p>“Yes Charlie, I invited her.”</p><p>Charlie’s interrogation got interrupted by the doorbell. Jen got up and walked back into the house but stopped for a moment when she overheard Henry talking to Judy in the doorway.</p><p>“… and my mom told me you love Nemo. Do you like it?”</p><p>Jen started to walk slowly towards them and placed her hands on Henry’s shoulders. Judy was admiring a piece of paper.</p><p>“I love it, you’re super talented.”</p><p>It was a picture of Nemo that Henry had painted a few months ago in art class. She handed the picture back to him and he looked at it proudly before taking it back to his room.</p><p>“So, that was Henry, my younger one.” Jen closed the door behind Judy.</p><p>“He’s adorable.” Judy’s little pout was back, and Jen wanted nothing more than to kiss it off her face. “I hope I’m not late, I just finished up at the salon like half an hour ago and I’m still wearing my work clothes. I hope that’s okay.”</p><p>“Judy, it’s fine. You look great. I’m just happy you’re here.” Jen placed a hand on Judy’s hip, completely forgetting about the pair of eyes that were on them until they heard a loud scoff coming from the couch.</p><p>“Charlie, come here. I want you to meet Judy.” Jen raised her voice a little.</p><p>Charlie didn’t move, instead he peaked his head up from the back of the couch.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Judy approached him halfway and did a cute little waving gesture with her hand. “Hi, I’m Judy. It’s so nice to meet you.”</p><p>“Thanks, you too.” </p><p>Soon they were all having pizza by the kitchen table. Jen had ordered two, one with meat and one without. As expected, Henry was the talkative one by the table. He kept asking Judy all kinds of questions, some which Jen hadn’t even thought of asking Judy yet, and Judy happily answered. Jen felt relieved, the evening was going better than she’d dared to hope and she loved watching Judy and her younger son interact. Judy showered him with attention and love, so much that Jen felt obligated to stay out of their conversation, in order not to ruin the bonding. Charlie didn’t say much, mostly listened, and Jen could feel his observant eyes on her. Considering how perceptive he was, she wouldn’t be surprised if he had her every thought and every feeling figured out by now.</p><p>Judy insisted she’d do the dishes while Jen took Henry upstairs to change into his pyjamas, before getting settled in front of the TV. Jen changed into more comfortable clothes too and put on her glasses. After helping Judy with the dishes, Charlie asked for his mom’s permission to go upstairs to his room. Jen was reluctant at first, but she could understand if Charlie didn’t want to watch that movie for the millionth time.</p><p>Forty minutes in, Henry had already fallen asleep with his head on Judy’s lap. Jen was secretly eyeing the two of them, watching how Judy carefully stroked his hair while the bright lights from the TV danced across her face, making the adorable smile lines on her cheeks even more visible.</p><p>That was it, Jen was done fighting her feelings. Initiating their kiss on the beach and confessing her feelings to Judy had been extremely freeing and from now on, she’d give into every urge of kissing this woman with everything she had.</p><p>“You’re really good with him.” Jen whispered as she grabbed Judy’s hand.</p><p>Judy looked down into her lap and smiled. “Thank you. He's so sweet.”</p><p>“I knew he’d fall in love with you.” Jen moved closer into Judy’s side, stretched her arm across her back and started to plant soft kisses on the side of her neck.</p><p>Judy quickly leaned into Jen’s kisses and buried her face in Jen’s neck to muffle her giggles. “Please, not now. If I move, he’s going to wake up.”</p><p>“I think I should take him upstairs then.”</p><p>Judy moved Henry from her lap into Jen’s arms. She carried her son upstairs and tucked him into bed. When she came back downstairs, Judy had moved to the outdoor couch and brought with her a bottle of wine, two glasses and a blanket. Judy didn’t see Jen coming, so Jen snuck up on her and wrapped her arms around her from behind.</p><p>"I can't believe your bun is still in place." Jen whispered as she lightly tugged Judy's earlobe with her lips.</p><p>"I really like it, you're good at buns."</p><p>"I had years of practice." </p><p>Jen's lips surged into the back of Judy's neck, placing fast wet kisses all over her jawline, neck and behind her ears, continuing what she'd started earlier.</p><p>“Jen, I think we should talk.” Judy tried to sound firm, but she was ticklish and couldn’t stop giggling.</p><p>“I don’t really like talking.” Jen was panting and her back was hurting but she didn’t care.</p><p>Jen’s arms were so tightly wrapped around Judy that she couldn’t move, so she reached over her shoulder to cup Jen’s cheeks, just to keep her head still for a moment. Jen could finally exhale as she rested her head on Judy’s shoulder.</p><p>“I’m going to have a baby.” Judy blurted out, knowing this was probably not the right time or place, but she couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I’m finally going through with it Jen, I have an appointment next week. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as happy and hopeful. Maybe it’s stupid, but I feel kind of guilty about it.”</p><p>Jen rushed to Judy’s side to smother her with a hug.</p><p>“You’re allowed to feel happy and hopeful. You’ll be an amazing mom.” Jen said as she pulled back a little to look Judy in the eyes. They were both smiling. “I’m so happy for you.”</p><p>“Thank you.” Judy pulled Jen back in. “I just never thought I’d be a single mom.”</p><p>“You won’t be a single mom. You have me.”</p><p>Neither of them fully knew what Jen meant by that, but Jen knew she’d be there for Judy every step of the way, as long as Judy wanted her by her side.</p><p>Now it was Judy’s turn to pull back from the hug, to place a few lingering kisses on Jen’s lips.</p><p>“You’ve no idea how much that means to me.” Judy said, in between kisses. “But I can understand if it’s a lot for you to take on. Having this baby will be…”</p><p>Jen interrupted her. “Jude, we are doing this together.”</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. September 24th, 2017</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Rating bumped up to M. Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I miss Judy.” Henry sighed from the backseat of his mother's car. “Can I invite her to the Holy Harmonies show?”</p><p>“Of course, that's a great idea.” Jen replied to her son as they pulled into Lorna’s driveway.</p><p>She missed Judy as well. They'd spent a lot of time together recently but today marked the third consecutive day without her and it felt like a fucking lifetime. It was 2:30 pm on a Thursday and Jen had already picked the boys up from school to drop them off for a long weekend with their father. As soon as the boys disappeared behind their grandmother, who welcomed them at the front door, she was off to pick Judy up from work.</p><p>The final step of Judy's IVF treatment was scheduled in less than an hour and Jen felt a sense of relief about the procedures coming to an end. She had been there for everything so far, to every appointment, consultation, examination and blood test. She had helped Judy with the fertility injections and held her hand during the egg retrieval, which had thankfully been a lot less invasive than Jen had imagined.</p><p>Choosing the sperm donor had however been harder and more stressful than she expected. They had spent a few evenings on Jen's living room couch, sharing bottles of wine while scrolling down lists of potential candidates, discussing which traits and characteristics were important to Judy. To Jen, nobody was worthy of being responsible for half of the genes in Judy’s baby but wanted Judy to pick a donor with dark curly hair and big brown eyes to at least increase the chances that the baby will look like her. But Judy had other ideas. Her only two physical preferences were blonde hair and green-blue eyes, and when she had asked if subdued freckles was an option, it all became way too overwhelming for Jen and she snuggled her face deep into Judy's neck, attempting to hide her sobs. Her sudden emotional breakdown brought a soft smile to Judy's face and she hugged her tight, placed a kiss on her head, and kindly reminded her that she wasn't the hormonal one on that couch.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Jen arrived at the salon and felt someone lightly tap her shoulder as she was about to type in Judy's number.</p><p>“I thought I saw your pretty face coming through the door.”</p><p>She immediately recognized Christopher’s candid voice and looked up from her phone.</p><p>“Oh my god, your hair!” Christopher gasped out, covering his mouth with both hands as he paced around her. “Who are you, and what have you done with Jen?”</p><p>“Hey, Chris.” Jen couldn’t help but smile at his ridiculously dramatic gestures.</p><p>Christopher stopped pacing and leaned in for a quick air kiss. “You look amazing babe, I knew Judy would take good care of you.”</p><p>“She sure did.” Jen smirked, the mention of Judy was enough to make her cheeks fluster.</p><p>"I’m slightly puzzled though. I knew a short bob would look stunning on you and obviously I was right, but whenever I mentioned it you always strongly objected and literally threatened to kill me if I cut more than an inch off your hair. You go to Judy once and... voilà."</p><p>Jen didn't know how to respond to that, so she pursed her lips together and glanced over Christopher's shoulder.</p><p>"Speaking of Judy, is she here?”</p><p>“Yes, she’s with a client. Why?" </p><p>Jen heard her favorite laughter echo through the salon and followed the sound. She saw Judy all the way in the back, leaning against a wall with her arms crossed, wearing a short black button skirt, a tight black sleeveless top tucked into the skirt and black laced up ankle boots. Judy's hair was tucked back into a low bun and no matter how hard Jen tried, she really couldn't keep her eyes off her. Judy was talking to her client, a younger woman, so Jen stopped to watch and admire from afar. It never failed to amaze her how Judy seemed to be able to give so much all the time and make everyone in her presence feel special. As Judy pulled the younger woman into a hug and ran her fingers down her back towards her waist, Jen got hit by a sharp and unexpected twinge of jealousy. She blew out a few silent breaths and focused hard on the fact that Judy was a hugger, and an intimate one too. When her eyes finally met Judy's across the busy and crowded salon, Judy broke into a wide smile and mouthed <em>‘I’m coming’</em> and Jen responded by waving her car keys, pointing towards the door and mouthing back <em>‘I’ll wait in the car’</em>.</p><p>Jen lit a cigarette as soon as she stepped outside and had already chain-smoked two in the car when Judy emerged from the salon about ten minutes later.</p><p>"I'm so sorry. I've been running late all day." Judy breathed out as she slammed the car door shut and threw her purse into the backseat.</p><p>"H-, Hey." Jen stuttered and smiled nervously, trying to ignore the nagging feeling of jealousy that still lingered inside her. </p><p>"You look really nice." Judy whispered as she ran her fingers through Jen's hair, grabbed the back of her neck, and brought their lips together.</p><p>Jen loved the feeling of Judy's soft lips on hers but got distracted by the concern in Judy's eyes.</p><p>"Is everything okay?" </p><p>“I’m scared, Jen." Judy sighed and averted her eyes.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"What if my uterus is too old and not a feasible environment for the embryos? Maybe it's not meant to be, maybe I've waited too long,” Judy said abruptly and sunk deeper into the seat, legs bouncing up and down. "Something bad will happen at some point. It always does. It's my karma."</p><p>"Hey, look at me." Jen had forgotten about her own insecurities and lifted Judy's chin up with one finger. “First of all, if the treatment won't be successful we'll deal with it together, okay? And second, your uterus is fantastic.”</p><p>Judy let out a small laugh. “You don't know that.”</p><p>It was mostly silent between them on the way to the clinic and whenever Jen looked over at Judy, she was either staring out the window or fidgeting with her hands, playing frantically with her rings and bracelets. Jen was aching to touch Judy, to calm her down, to comfort her, to hug her tight, to kiss her with everything she had. When she had parked the car, she unfastened her seatbelt and crashed her lips roughly into Judy's, who let out a cute whimper as Jen's tongue slipped into her mouth. </p><p>"Wow, Jen." Judy giggled as they parted. </p><p>Jen smiled into Judy's lips, relieved that her inability to contain herself seemed to have brought Judy back to her usual self.</p><p>"Sorry. I had to."</p><p>"Oh, yeah?" Judy's voice was dangerously seductive.</p><p>Jen brushed her lips slowly against Judy's. "It always feels surreal you know, kissing you. I'll never understand how I got this lucky. You can literally have anyone you want." </p><p>Judy's face turned into a big question mark and her amber orbs glared into Jen's soul. "Where is this coming from?"</p><p>"I'm just saying you could be with someone younger, hotter, and more stable. I'm an old lady with anger issues."</p><p>Judy smiled and instead of aiming for Jen's lips, she whispered into her ear, "you know that old ladies are my type, especially the angry ones."</p><p>"Oh my god." Jen playfully shoved Judy's face away from hers, tucked her silk blouse back into her jeans, adjusted the sleeves of her dark red blazer, and took Judy's hand into her own. “It's almost time, babe. Are you ready?"</p><p>Judy nodded and let out a big breath as she looked at herself in the rearview mirror, yanked out the hair tie, and let her wavy locks fall loosely down her back.</p><p>"Jen?"</p><p>"Mhm."</p><p>"I'm the lucky one. You're so beautiful and I'll keep telling you that until you believe me."</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Before the procedure started, Judy was given a mild sedative, which turned out to be anything but mild for Judy. She got disoriented and drowsy but also highly entertaining. There was something about hospitals and clinics that made Jen feel woozy and nauseous, so listening to Judy crack the most ridiculous jokes in a slightly slurred tone of voice helped both of them cope with the situation. The doctor described each and every step in detail and when he was about to insert a catheter through Judy's cervix into her uterus, Jen quickly averted her eyes to Judy’s, who had tilted her head to the side to face Jen.</p><p>“Does it hurt?” Jen whispered as she wiped away a few tears that trailed down Judy’s cheek.</p><p>“No, these are happy tears.” Judy smiled and kissed Jen’s cheek. “Thank you for everything.”</p><p>Jen nuzzled her nose against Judy's hair and brushed it back to place a soft kiss on Judy’s jawline, right below her ear, and another one behind her ear, knowing it would make Judy giggle. She didn’t care about their surroundings or the nurse’s gaze, who was probably wondering in what universe the two of them were just friends. That same nurse grabbed Jen’s arm when they were about to leave and pulled Jen aside, while she waited for Judy to get dressed.</p><p>"Please don't hesitate to call if you have any questions. Good luck to both of you." The nurse winked and Jen nodded with a sheepish smile.</p><p>Judy was shivering when they stepped outside, still groggy from the medication and a little unsteady on her feet. Jen took off her blazer to place over Judy’s shoulders and wrapped her arm across Judy's back, pulling her in closer as they walked to the car.</p><p>Jen got lost in her own thoughts while driving to Judy's apartment. She kept looking sideways, at the little ray of sunshine who now slept soundly in the passenger seat. She thought about how she had never felt so captivated by another adult, watching Judy sleep was enough to make her heart melt. She was uncertain about a lot of things in life but one thing she knew for sure - she was falling in love, and not only was it terrifying but it was also happening shockingly fast. She didn't deserve Judy, she would never be good enough for her and her thoughts trailed off like they sometimes did late at night, to Judy not wanting her, not being able to love her back and the most unimaginable of all, no longer being in her life. Everything became so calm and balanced whenever Judy spent time at the house and watching Judy interact with her boys with so much patience and kindness, more than she would ever be capable of giving them herself, made her love Judy even more. Henry was already extremely attached to Judy and always asked for her when it was time to read a bedtime story or when he needed help with his homework, and Charlie silently but unquestionably loved every meal that Judy had ever cooked for them, even her vegetarian recipes.</p><p>When they finally got to Judy's apartment, Judy curled up under a blanket on the couch and dozed off for about half an hour. Meanwhile, Jen decided to make dinner and with the wide selection of vegetables in Judy's fridge, vegetable lasagna became the obvious choice. She put on her glasses, grabbed her phone, and typed in <em>Best Vegetable Lasagna Recipe</em>s, counting on The Google to smoothly guide her through it.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe you’re cooking.”</p><p>Jen turned around to see Judy awake on the couch, yawning adorably and rubbing her eyes.</p><p>“I can’t believe it either, I have no idea what I'm doing."</p><p>Judy glided over to the kitchen to hug Jen from behind. “What are you making?” she asked, standing on the tip of her toes, peaking over Jen’s shoulder. "Can you please take off your heels?"</p><p>Jen took off her shoes and almost evened out the height difference. “Better?”</p><p>Judy’s arms were back around Jen’s waist and she leaned her head comfortably on to Jen’s shoulder. “Much better.”</p><p>“Well, it's supposed to be vegetable lasagna. I hope it’s not terrible.”</p><p>"It smells really nice. You should cook more often." Judy planted a soft kiss on the side of Jen's neck, enough to send shivers down her spine.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” Jen turned in Judy’s arms and placed one hand on Judy’s stomach.</p><p>“A little bloated and sore but no cramps. I don’t think I'll need the painkillers.”</p><p>“Good. They made you cranky last time.”</p><p>Judy laughed and squinted her eyes. “I wasn’t cranky.”</p><p>Jen muttered “you were babe” into her arm while getting two wine glasses from the top shelf.</p><p>”Oh fuck, I almost forgot.” Jen gasped as she was about to open the bottle. "No wine for you."</p><p>Judy’s eyes shot wide open. “Shit, it suddenly feels so real" she whispered and grasped Jen's arm.</p><p>Jen smiled and smoothened out frizzy brown locks with her fingers. "You know what, this is going to sound nuts but I'll skip the wine too." </p><p>"What? No, you should have some." Judy waved dismissively and grabbed the bottle from Jen's hand. "No need to cut back on the drinking because of me."</p><p>"Honestly Jude, a nine-month detox wouldn't be the worst idea."</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Judy wouldn’t stop complimenting Jen's cooking and kept raving about how it was the best vegetable lasagna she’d ever had and Jen agreed, not that she had any comparison but the lasagna was definitely delicious.</p><p>It felt so easy and right, just the two of them sharing a home-made meal, straight out of the pan, sipping water from wine glasses, stealing glances at each other. Judy had dimmed the lights and lit candles, and Jen was in awe how something could feel so domestic and romantic at the same time. </p><p>"Come over here for a second." Judy beckoned. "I have an idea."</p><p>Jen got up and made her way to Judy's side of the table. "What's going on?" </p><p>"Come, sit." Judy grabbed Jen's belt and tugged her down into her lap. She reached for her phone and pointed the camera to their faces, looking for a good angle.</p><p>"Are we taking photos now?" Jen shied away, blocking the lens with her hand. </p><p>Judy pouted and wrapped her arms tight around Jen's waist. "Just one, please. It will be our first." </p><p>"Fine." Jen smiled softly, there was nothing she wouldn't do for Judy. "I think we'd get a better angle if you were sitting in my lap."</p><p>"Oh, sounds like someone has done this before." Judy teased and lightly spanked Jen's ass.</p><p>They switched places and once Judy was sitting on Jen's thigh, she took Judy's phone from her hand, stretched out her arm, and used her wrist to point the camera down toward their faces. Jen swiftly turned her head to the side and surged in to kiss Judy's cheek, who let out a big surprised laugh as Jen snapped the photo. </p><p>"I love it so much." Judy sighed happily as they viewed the photo together. The lighting was dark and the angle wasn't the most flattering but it didn't matter, Jen secretly loved it too. She had closed her eyes as her lips touched Judy's cheek and Judy was smiling from ear to ear, nose a little scrunched and hair a bit tousled.</p><p>Jen's eyes wandered away from the phone to Judy's side profile as she tucked Judy's hair behind her ear. Jen took in every detail, the curve of Judy's nose, the plumpness of her lips, the thickness of her eyelashes, the smile lines around her mouth and eyes, the sharpness of her jaw and cheekbones and was blown away by the incredible beauty.</p><p>Her state of complete calmness got interrupted by her phone buzzing.</p><p>“Fuck, it’s Ted.” Jen groaned. “I have to take this.”</p><p>Judy jumped up from Jen's lap. “Yes, of course. I hope the boys are okay.”</p><p>Jen went to the bathroom and closed the door behind her.</p><p>“Hello, Ted.”</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>“Is everything okay? Did something happen to the boys?” Jen was worried, Ted never called this late.</p><p>“The boys are great, never better. I wanted to congratulate you on the big news.”</p><p>“What news?”</p><p>“I heard you’ve gone lesbian.”</p><p>Jen was stunned and almost lost for words. “Where did you hear that?” </p><p>“Henry saw you kissing some woman in our house.” </p><p>“He did what? And it’s my fucking house, not yours.”</p><p>Ted laughed, “so, it’s true?”</p><p>“My personal life is none of your business.” Jen hissed back and raised her voice as the anger boiled inside of her.</p><p>“It is, if this woman is about to become my boys’ second mom.”</p><p>Jen hated the smug and disrespectful tone of Ted’s voice. It was a tone she knew all too well, for years it had made her feel small and unworthy.</p><p>“Listen, asshole. You’ve been going around this town for years, entering your dick into anything that moves and it has never been my business, even when we were fucking married. So no, my personal life is none of your business and never will be, but if the boys will ever be so lucky to get a second mother I’ll make sure to inform you.”</p><p>Ted’s diminishing scoff on the other end made her clench her fists.</p><p>“Please, Jen, I know you. You’re not a lesbian.”</p><p>“You don’t know me at all. Fuck you, Ted.”</p><p>She hung up and threw her phone across the bathroom, leaving a dent in the door. She slid down against the wall and onto the floor. Judy came barging in but stepped back when she saw the rage in Jen’s dark eyes. Judy knew this side of Jen existed but had never witnessed it firsthand.</p><p>“Jen.” Judy reached for Jen's hand, but Jen flinched at the touch.</p><p>“Please don’t touch me.”</p><p>“Okay, I’m sorry. Just talk to me. What happened?”</p><p>“Fucking Ted.”</p><p>“What did he say to you?”</p><p>Jen had pulled her legs in, her elbows rested on her knees and she buried her face into the palms of her hands.</p><p>“What did he say to you?” Judy repeated calmly.</p><p>Seconds passed in silence before Jen looked up into Judy’s comforting eyes and reached for her hand, holding it tightly against her chest. Judy moved closer and wrapped an arm around Jen's back.</p><p>“Henry saw us,” Jen whispered and brought Judy's hand up to her lips. </p><p>“What do you mean, saw us?”</p><p>Jen wasn't angry about her son catching them in action, she’d deal with that later. It was Ted’s audacity that was infuriating and the fact that he had the nerve to call her, acting as she owed him some kind of explanation for finally finding happiness. She knew Ted's intentions, for some reason he still believed she'd forgive him and take him back but their life together was over, it had been over for years and the divorce had been the final nail in the coffin.  </p><p>“Jen?” </p><p>She turned sideways and gazed into Judy's beautiful eyes, feeling more confident than ever about opening her whole heart to Judy and let herself fall head over heels in love with her. </p><p>“Henry saw us kissing.” Jen's voice was calm and she smirked softly. "But that's not why I got angry, I swear. It's fucking Ted, fucking piece of shit still thinks he has some authority over me."</p><p>Judy broke their eye contact and bit her lower lip with a guilty look on her face.</p><p>“Promise you won’t get mad at me, okay?”</p><p>Jen sighed and dropped her knees to the floor. “What is it, Judy? Just tell me.”</p><p>“I already knew.” Judy's face suddenly broke out in a wide grin.</p><p>“You already knew what?”</p><p>“I knew Henry saw us. It happened last weekend, probably when we were making out on the kitchen isla-" Judy paused when Jen's mouth dropped. "Anyway, Henry and I were up early the next morning and as we were making chocolate chip pancakes, which he loves, by the way, he asked if I was your girlfriend."</p><p>“Fuck me.”</p><p>“It was fine, Jen. He told me he saw us kissing on the mouth, like in the movies, and then he asked why I didn't just kiss you on the cheek like his dad used to kiss you.”</p><p>“Jesus fucking Christ.” Jen groaned and leaned her head back against the wall, pressing her hand over her forehead.</p><p>“I told him the truth, that we really like each other and care about each other and when two people do, they sometimes kiss on the mouth.”</p><p>“Oh my god, Judy." Jen chuckled and turned to face Judy. "You didn't think it would be a good idea to tell me about this little chit-chat between you two?”</p><p>“We pinky swore to keep it a secret between us. He must have accidentally told his dad. I mean, I get it, he’s only seven. I hope he doesn’t feel bad about it.”</p><p>"Well, this might come as a surprise but Henry can’t really keep a secret. He can get a little confessy.”</p><p>Judy shrugged and brushed her thumb lightly against Jen's cheek as her eyes trailed down to Jen's lips. “Maybe we need to be a little more cautious when the boys are home.”</p><p>“You mean no kisses on the mouth in the presence of my kids?”</p><p>"That’s definitely not what I meant.”</p><p>“It’s really fucking hard to be cautious around you Judy.”</p><p>“I know, you can never keep your hands off me.”</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>Their little banter threw them into a fit of laughter. Judy pulled Jen even closer into her body, hugging her sideways, and Jen leaned her head on Judy's shoulder.</p><p>“I’m so sorry about all of this. You should be resting right now, not dealing with a raging woman on your bathroom floor. Ted brings out the worst in me, he really brings out the old me and I hate it. I don't want to be that person anymore.”</p><p>“It’s okay.”</p><p>“No, it’s not. I ruined your door.”</p><p>“Yeah, you're going to have to pay for that.”</p><p>Jen snorted and raised her head from Judy’s shoulder to kiss her cheek. "I'm so sorry baby."</p><p>They sat on the floor and shared silence for a long time before getting up, Jen to check if her phone was broken and Judy to get make-up remover wipes. </p><p>"Can you stay?" Judy whispered as she carefully wiped off the remains of Jen's smudged mascara.</p><p>“The night?” Jen stuttered, mouth dry and voice lower than usual.</p><p>Judy nodded shyly. “I know you have work in the morning, so I totally understand if you can't."</p><p>It wouldn’t be the first time they shared a bed. Judy had already spent a few nights in Jen’s bed, sharing drunk kisses and lingering touches under the covers with their clothes on, but those nights had never been planned and always involved a good amount of alcohol. They would stumble upstairs into Jen’s bedroom after midnight, Jen trying to muffle Judy's uncontrollable giggles with sloppy kisses, or they would fall asleep watching TV in bed and end up sleeping through the night wrapped in each other's arms.</p><p>To Jen, this felt different. It felt more serious to be spending the night in Judy's bed and not her own and it was definitely a big milestone in their yet undefined but not so platonic relationship. But taking the next step with Judy was something she was ready for and just thinking about it gave her butterflies.</p><p>"Jen?" Judy squeezed her hand.</p><p>"I'd love to stay. I just... I don't have any of my stuff."</p><p>Judy's whole face beamed. "There's an extra toothbrush in the cabinet above the sink and you can borrow one of my robes to sleep in if you want.” </p><p>"Okay." Jen smiled in response. "Can I just take a quick shower?"</p><p>“Of course, let me just...” Judy raised her hands and paced out the door. Jen took off her jeans and blouse, leaving her in her underwear, a lacy black bra and matching thong. As she was taking her earrings out, facing away from the bathroom door, she heard Judy come back and huff out a 'woah' behind her. Jen looked over her shoulder and caught Judy's eyes on her ass.</p><p>“Are you joining me?” Jen teased and turned around to face Judy.</p><p>"What?" Judy attempted to avert her gaze but her eyes had a will of their own, tracing up and down Jen's body. </p><p>Jen grinned as Judy's face turned pink in an instant. It was so blatantly obvious Judy liked what she saw, her eyes were black with desire, giving Jen a boost of confidence to keep this flirting game going and take advantage of having the upper hand for once.</p><p>"You brought two towels baby." Jen winked and looked at the two perfectly folded towels.</p><p>"Oh." Judy laughed nervously and shoved them into Jen's hands.</p><p>“I don't really need two-”</p><p>Before Jen could finish her sentence, Judy grabbed her face and pulled it into an intense kiss while pushing against her body, forcing her to take a few steps backward until she was sitting on the bathroom countertop with Judy between her legs. Judy had a strong grip on her hair and pulled it harshly, almost painfully, tugging her head to access the side of her neck with wet kisses, nipping at the earlobe before trailing down her jawline, making Jen puff out lusty moans each time Judy sucked and bit onto her skin. Jen couldn't believe the roughness of Judy's actions. Her touches had always been so gentle and careful but now they were eager and desperate and Jen had never felt so wanted in her life. She started to unbutton Judy’s skirt and was done with about half the buttons when Judy impatiently pulled the skirt down her legs, along with her panties. In one swift motion, Judy’s shirt was off as well, discarded somewhere behind them.</p><p>“Holy shit Jude.” Jen ran her hands all over Judy's toned torso, not knowing where to keep her focus. "Can I take this off?" she panted, about to unhook the clasp of Judy's bra.</p><p>As Judy nodded into her neck, the clasp popped open and Jen's jaw dropped. She had never seen a more perfect set of boobs in her life and brought her hands on top, pushing against them and massaging in circular motions.</p><p>"Ah, my boobs are so tender." Judy squealed, smiling into Jen's neck before pulling back to catch her breath.</p><p>"Sorry." Jen softened her grip, remembering the night when Judy had casually mentioned the hormones were causing her enlarged boobs to feel extremely sore and sensitive. Judy guided Jen's hands over her nipples and towards the sides and bottom of her boobs.</p><p>"Mine used to feel like this. Warm and heavy." Jen said softly as she caressed Judy's breasts, eyes dark with lust and desire. Judy leaned in to place kisses along Jen's collarbone, much softer than before.</p><p>"Your heart is racing." Judy whispered as she put her hand on Jen's chest, close to the edges of her bra.</p><p>"I'm nervous Judy." </p><p>Judy gazed into Jen's eyes as their foreheads touched. “It's okay. You're safe with me."</p><p>Jen slowly reached behind her own back, hesitating for a moment before unhooking her clasp. As the straps slid down her arms, she let out a breath she’d been holding in for years and squeezed her eyes shut to avoid Judy’s reaction to her bare chest. She knew Judy was nothing like Ted, but the feelings of rejection and self-doubt had been forever carved into her soul. All she could hear was Judy’s calm breathing and when she opened her eyes, Judy was running soft and delicate fingertips over her scars. It was completely silent between them, no words were needed, nothing could describe the love and admiration in Judy's eyes as she continued tracing her fingers across her chest. Judy followed the faded lines of damaged skin, making her memorize the patches where Judy’s touch left a small sensation. Jen didn't think she'd ever feel any sensation in the reconstructed parts of her chest, so the occasional featherlight tingle she felt under Judy’s fingertips became a life-changing realization for her.</p><p>“I can feel your touch right here.” Jen's breath hitched as she guided Judy’s fingers back to one of the more sensitive areas. Judy replaced her fingers with her lips, kissing and licking along the soft surface of the skin.</p><p>Having Judy accepting her greatest insecurity in such an intimate and affectionate way, while running two fingers up her inner thighs at the same time, almost sent Jen over the edge. It had been so long since she’d been touched and never before like that. She knew she had never been so turned on in her life, her aching core was burning up and her panties soaking wet.</p><p>"Take them off." Jen lifted her hips up from the countertop. Judy hooked a finger around the string of her panties and pulled them down her legs.</p><p>As Judy's tongue traced all over Jen's chest, neck and jaw, her fingers found Jen's clit, swirling lightly against it before increasing the pressure, making Jen whimper and clench her legs together around Judy’s waist.</p><p>“This okay?” Judy whispered into Jen's ear.</p><p>“Oh god, yes.” Jen moaned and tightened her grip around Judy's neck.</p><p>Judy didn't waste any time and entered Jen with two fingers. Jen let go of Judy's neck to place both hands on the countertop to steady herself as her head fell back. Her hips jerked aggressively into Judy's fingers and multiple loud moans escaped her lips.</p><p>Jen feared it would happen embarrassingly fast and it did, thanks to years of sexual deprivation and Judy’s skillful set of hands. When Judy picked up the pace and roughly thrust in a third finger without a warning, pushing deeper and circling all three to a steady rhythm, Jen tightened hard and rode out the strongest wave of orgasm she’d ever had in her life, vibrating from her toes up to her chest, feeling everything and nothing at the same time.</p><p>Judy waited until Jen's breathing had calmed down before pulling out her fingers and when she did, Jen lost her balance and fell backward into the mirror behind her, knocking down a Buddha and a few scented candles.</p><p>"You're so beautiful." Judy whispered as she carefully pulled Jen into her arms again. She trailed her tongue down Jen's neck, tasting the salty sweat on her skin, and was able to feel Jen's body tense up and release several times as she experienced a series of aftershocks. Judy ran her fingers up and down Jen's spine to help her come down, before tracing her fingers all the way up to the nape of her neck and into her scalp.</p><p>"Don't stop." Jen murmured lazily when Judy paused to rest her tired fingers. Judy obeyed and continued scratching her scalp, twirling strands of Jen's hair around her fingers.</p><p>"You're so loud,” Judy brushed her lips lightly against Jen's ear, "and so, so fucking hot."</p><p>Jen nuzzled her flaming red face into Judy's shoulder. This sexy, dominant, rougher side of Judy left her speechless. She wasn't used to Judy cussing but it was the sexiest cuss Jen had ever heard. When she had regained enough consciousness to move, she wrapped her arms tightly around Judy's neck and slid off the countertop. Judy locked her arms around Jen's lower back, perfectly aligning their naked bodies.</p><p>"That was incredible." Jen pulled Judy closer and gazed into her dark pupils.</p><p>"You're incredible," Judy replied, smiling as she brushed back a sweaty strand of hair sticking to Jen's face. "Does the offer still stand?"</p><p>"What offer?"</p><p>"Showering with you?"</p><p>"Fuck, yes."</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Jen took a deep inhale as she leaned her head into Judy’s touch, the scent of Judy’s shampoo filling her nose. It was a familiar scent, some of her pillows already smelled like citrus and coconut and whenever she had troubles sleeping, she would grab one and breathe it in.</p><p>"I love this scent." Jen whispered against Judy’s lips. </p><p>"Yeah? It's actually one of the few organic shampoos that don't smell like shit."</p><p>"It reminds me of you," Jen pecked Judy's nose, "and now I'll smell like you."</p><p>"Oh, lucky you." Judy teased and rinsed out the shampoo in Jen’s hair. </p><p>Jen glanced down and trailed her fingers down to Judy’s stomach, towards the tattoo on Judy’s pelvic bone. It looked like the letter M in beautiful cursive writing and assumed it had something to do with Michelle.</p><p>“When did you get this one?” Jen asked, already grossed out by the thought of Michelle having a matching J tattoo for Judy.</p><p>"I was twenty. Don’t worry, it was legal.”</p><p>Jen sighed in relief knowing her assumptions had been wrong and it had to symbolize something else since it had been almost twenty years. She looked up into Judy's eyes and smiled.</p><p>"Your tattoos are so pretty. All of them."</p><p>"Thank you, they mean a lot to me." </p><p>Judy’s tattoos were perfectly fine-drawn and subtle. She had a crescent moon on the right side of her ribs and a flock of small birds along her left rib cage. Jen had never been a big fan of tattoos and decided when she was a teenager she'd never get one herself, but she had to admit that Judy's tattoos were pretty fucking hot. </p><p>Judy was facing away from Jen when she heard a quiet ‘ouch’.</p><p>“What's wrong?” Jen asked, worrying about their bathroom adventure being too much for Judy.</p><p>Judy placed her hands on her stomach and turned around, forcing a smile. “I’m fine, it's just a cramp. It’s nothing.”</p><p>Like always, Jen saw right through Judy and turned the water off.</p><p>“Well, it's clearly not. We should get out, you need to rest.”</p><p>“No no, I’m fine, really.” Judy leaned back into Jen’s arms and snuggled her face into Jen's neck.</p><p>“Are you su-“</p><p>“Ah sorry, another one.” Judy whined as another sharp pain shot right through her lower abdomen.</p><p>Jen quickly grabbed a towel to place over Judy, rubbing her arms back and forth. “It’s okay baby,” she pulled Judy in and kissed her temple.</p><p>“I’m fine, I swear.” Judy pouted and rapidly battered her eyelashes.</p><p>Jen wrapped a towel around herself and had to fight back the smile when Judy was suddenly sitting at the very same spot she had fucked her earlier, tilting her head backward, smirking mischievously, biting her lower lip.</p><p>“Jude, seriously? You have to rest.” </p><p>Judy pouted, grabbed Jen’s wrist firmly, and led her into the bedroom. She put on her blue floral silk robe and found a similar one for Jen, in pink.</p><p>“You look good in pink.” Judy’s arms were back around Jen’s waist.</p><p>“No, I don’t.” Jen scoffed and kept pulling down the hem of the robe. “Could this thing be any shorter?”</p><p>“Technically, it could.” Judy smirked but was quickly hunched over in pain.</p><p>“Okay, you need to lay down.” Jen's tone was firm, and Judy gave in this time.</p><p>The painkillers were carefully hidden in Judy’s nightstand and after some negotiation, Judy reluctantly agreed to take one. Jen went to the kitchen to get her a glass of water and gave strict orders not to move while she was gone. When Jen came back, Judy had curled up under the covers, so Jen sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked Judy’s damp hair until the cramps had passed.</p><p>“You shouldn’t have to take care of me.” Judy whispered.</p><p>“I want to take care of you,” Jen replied and placed a comforting kiss on Judy’s forehead, “I know it sounds gross but you make me so happy Jude.” </p><p>Judy’s eyes teared up and she scooted over to make room for Jen beside her. Jen slid under the covers and rested her head on Judy’s pillow, faces inches apart. Judy closed the gap between them by pressing her lips softly against Jen’s. She wrapped an arm around Jen's waist and ran her tongue over Jen's lower lip, opening her mouth before pushing her tongue in, brushing it against Jen's as they kissed slowly and thoroughly.</p><p>“Do you think this is happening too fast?” Jen asked as they pulled back, anxiously waiting for a response.</p><p>Judy saw slightly worried green-blue eyes looking directly into hers. “Do you?” </p><p>“No,” Jen replied fast, “I don’t know. I was married to a man for almost two decades, I don’t know how any of this works.”</p><p>Judy lifted herself on her elbow and smirked. “So, I'm the expert here?"</p><p>“Oh god, you’re killing me.” Jen groaned and pulled the covers above her head.</p><p>Judy fell back onto the pillow and stared dreamily at the ceiling. “Well, I believe if you’re open to the good things in life, they will happen and when they do, you should go after them. You never know unless you try.”</p><p>Jen's eyes peeked out from under the covers. “Okay, that sounds a bit woo-woo.”</p><p>Judy shrugged and turned sideways to face Jen. “I know we don't talk much about us and maybe it's time we do that, but I want you to know you took my breath away the second I saw you and you make me so happy too. It's kind of insane actually." </p><p>Jen felt her heart flutter and she raised her hand to stroke Judy’s cheek. “You deserve to be happy, Judy. You deserve it the most."</p><p>Judy closed her eyes and Jen kept stroking her face and hair in silence until she drifted off to sleep. Jen snuck out from under the covers to go to the bathroom and broke into a soft smile when she caught her reflection in the mirror. The rogue hickeys on her neck, her rosy flushed cheeks and her reddened sore lips perfectly matched the colors of her way too short floral robe. She picked up their discarded clothes and before she turned off the lights, she took one last look at herself.</p><p>Her whole demeanor was somehow drastically different. Her face was glowing and her eyes sparkled and for the first time in years, she was hopeful that maybe she could be loved.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. September 25th, 2017</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>12:06 am</strong>
</p><p>Judy had been sleeping for a few minutes when she woke up again, missing Jen’s warmth against her body. She propped herself up and rubbed her eyes, and as she looked over to the other side of the bed, she heard light footsteps approach the bedroom.</p><p>“Where did you go?” Judy muttered sleepily as Jen appeared in the doorway, carrying a pile of clothes.</p><p>“Someone had to clean up our mess,” Jen tossed the clothes and crawled back into bed, under the covers, “I thought you were asleep.”</p><p>Judy rested her head back onto the pillow, facing away from Jen, reaching back to grab Jen’s arm to wrap over her stomach. Jen snuggled closer and hoped her fingers didn’t feel too cold against Judy's silky soft skin.</p><p>“Don’t ever leave,” Judy mumbled into the pillow, unsure if Jen was able to hear her. </p><p>Jen traced her fingers down towards Judy’s abdomen, smiling into soft brown locks. "I'm not going anywhere, I'll always be here for you and the baby. We can be like a three-child mothering team.”</p><p>“I hope we can be more than a mothering team,” Judy's voice was low and sincere.</p><p>Jen closed her eyes and pulled Judy even closer into her body. "I hope so too, I... I want us to be more.”</p><p>Judy smiled so big her cheeks hurt, still facing away from Jen. If her eyes hadn't suddenly filled with tears she would've been convinced she was dreaming.</p><p>It wasn’t unusual for Judy to fall in love fast. Her weary heart was living proof that love at first sight was no myth, but no fairytale either. It had always been easier for her to love than be loved and throughout her life, people had taken advantage of her enormous heart with no intention of returning the same amount of love. But with every painful heartbreak, Judy had slowly adapted and eventually learned to hold back, to tone down her feelings, and to give space to others.</p><p>Judy was in 2nd grade when her heart broke for the first time. On the first day of school, she was told by her teacher that her best (and only) friend had moved across the country with her family during the summer holidays. Tears streamed down Judy's small cheeks when she came home that day, welcomed by her heavily intoxicated mother who yelled at her to <em>stop crying like a baby</em> and <em>stop being so sensitive</em>, words that stayed with her and marked her ever since.</p><p>The past few weeks had been a whirlwind of emotions and Judy wasn't sure how she would have coped if she didn't have Jen. The fertility treatments, the procedures, the hormonal side effects, the break-up, Jen had been her rock through everything and Judy had never felt as protected in her entire life. Nevertheless, it was important to hold back when it came to Jen, to give her all the time and space she needed. Early on, Judy was afraid of coming across as too much, too clingy, too giving, too loving, but their growing mutual desire to touch and be intimate with each other made it impossible for Judy to follow her own rules. It was clear as a day that Jen didn’t want her to hold back or tone down her feelings. Jen was tough, strong, and badass, but Jen was also capable of receiving her love and made Judy feel like she needed her love to breathe, thrive, and survive in this world.</p><p>“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” Judy’s voice was fragile as she fought back the sniffles. Putting a label on their relationship wasn’t necessarily a top priority for her but she would do it for Jen.</p><p>“Ew,” Jen scoffed and pulled Judy in even closer, impossibly close, “don’t say girlfriend.”</p><p>Judy let out a small laugh. “Sorry. Significant other?”</p><p>"Ew no!" Jen laughed and mumbled something incoherent into Judy’s hair, “...I mean, I know it’s fast and maybe a little fucked up. You’re going through a lot right now so we don’t have to make it a big deal or anything. I just…”</p><p>Judy blinked back the tears and cautiously rolled over to face Jen.</p><p>“Go on,” Judy whispered, eyes glistering.</p><p>“… I think I’m falling in love with you.”</p><p>Before Jen got the chance to process the words coming out of her own mouth, Judy was crashing their lips together, rolling her on her back and kissing her in a way she’d never been kissed before, taking her breath away in an instant.</p><p>Moments later, Judy pulled back, settling on Jen’s pillow as Jen gasped for air, immediately missing the sensation of Judy's insatiable lips against hers, fully aware that this exact sensation had now become an addiction and maybe a problem since it was all she could think about.</p><p>“I’ve been in love with you for a while actually,” Judy whispered.</p><p>Jen turned sideways, faces inches apart. “I know it feels like forever babe, but we’ve known each other for literally five minutes.”</p><p>“Oh, and by the way, I'd love to make it a big deal,” Judy declared, smiling and ignoring Jen's last remark.</p><p>“Of course you do,” Jen smiled back and brushed Judy’s hair away from her face. “We should talk to the boys on Sunday, they deserve to know the truth but most importantly, I need to be able to kiss you in my own home.”</p><p>“I’m pretty sure Charlie already knows. He’s very perceptive.”</p><p>“Well, he definitely does now, thanks to his brother’s leaky mouth.”</p><p>“Hopefully they won't think I’m intruding or replacing their dad in any way.”</p><p>“Jude, the boys love you more than they love me.”</p><p>“No, they don’t.”</p><p>“Fuck yeah, and they might love you more than they love their dad, so you have nothing to worry about.”</p><p>Judy smiled nervously. She was optimistic that the boys would accept her into their family but at the same time, no matter Jen's effort of calming her down and assuring her that everything will be okay, talking to the boys about her romantic relationship with their mom remained a terrifying thought.</p><p>“How about we throw a party, like a coming-out party?” Judy suggested after a while, pushing her worries aside for now. Her eyes sparkled with excitement as she waited in anticipation for Jen’s reaction, knowing Jen would hate the idea but it was worth trying.</p><p>Jen's eyes shot wide open. "Are you fucking kidding me?"</p><p>“We could invite Christopher and Simon, and Karen and Jeff. Karen is super nice.”</p><p>“Absolutely not,” Jen snorted out, “celebrating my midlife sexuality crisis with other people sounds like a fucking nightmare.”</p><p>Judy brought her hand to Jen's face and traced a thumb along her cheekbone. For some reason, she’d never given Jen’s sexuality much of a thought, maybe because there was never any doubt in her mind that Jen liked her. The shy glances, the parted lips, the mild stuttering, the soft smiles, and the way her neck flushed and chest heaved whenever they touched, all these obvious signs had been evident from day one. </p><p>“You’ve never wanted to talk about it?” Judy asked, threading her fingers into Jen’s hair.</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>“Your sexuality.”</p><p>“What’s there to talk about? I thought I was straight until I met you. End of story.”</p><p>“Okay,” Judy half-smiled, refraining from asking further questions. Silence surrounded them, Jen had zoned out so Judy kept stroking her hair and followed her facial expressions.</p><p>“Thank you,” Jen breathed out eventually.</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>“For coming into my life I guess, and…” Jen paused, and Judy watched as her cheeks flushed and eyes widened, “…for the most intense orgasm of my life."</p><p>Judy let out a full-on belly-laugh. “Wait, seriously? That was… have you never…”</p><p>“Not like that.” Jen took a shaky breath, laughing nervously. “It’s fucking sad that I had to wait until my mid-forties to experience something so mindblowing."</p><p>“Better late than never,” Judy winked, and threw both of them into a continued fit of laughter.</p><p>“I’ll need your guidance when you feel better, Jude. I don’t know how to do… that.”</p><p>Judy confidently pulled Jen in by the neck, whispering “I got you” into her ear, giving Jen goosebumps all over her body. Judy reached back to turn off the lights, and Jen could see her smiling as their eyes met in the dark.</p><p>“Thank you for staying,” Judy snuggled her face deep into Jen’s neck, “I love you.”</p><p>Jen’s stomach dropped. It was unreal, hearing Judy say it so casually, the three words she doubted she would ever be brave enough to say to Judy out loud.</p><p>“I love you too, baby. I love you so much.”</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Jen slept like a baby until the bright sun rays awakened her early the next morning. She needed a few seconds to take in the surroundings as her eyes slowly adjusted to the brightness of the bedroom. Judy was still sound asleep with her head on top of her chest, arms and legs clinging to her entire body, anchoring her to the bed. She wouldn't mind spending every morning like this, running her fingers through brown curly locks and listening to Judy’s steady breathing as pure happiness rushed through her veins.</p><p>After being stuck in the same position for a while, Jen carefully managed to untangle one arm and reach for her phone to check the time but as she was about to put the phone back on the nightstand, Judy mumbled something into her chest and tightened the grip over her stomach.</p><p>“Good morning sleepyhead,” Jen whispered into Judy's hair and kissed the top of her head.</p><p>Judy didn’t let go of her grip but the rhythm of her breathing had changed, enough for Jen to know she was awake.</p><p>“Did you sleep well?” Judy asked tiredly.</p><p>“I did,” Jen replied, "it's still early baby, you should rest while I get ready."</p><p>Judy lifted her head from Jen’s chest and looked down to see a set of dreamy green-blue eyes looking up at her. This was her favorite Jen, so naturally stunning and relaxed, entirely free of tension.</p><p>"You're so beautiful", Judy said, hungry eyes staring deep into Jen's as she licked her own lips.</p><p>"It's too early for this Judes," Jen chuckled when Judy leaned down to nuzzle her nose. Jen had never been a morning person, so out of habit she lightly pushed Judy away from her but as she was about to get up, she suddenly got pulled back down onto the mattress, Judy now on top of her, straddling her and smothering with kisses.</p><p>“Oh my fucking god,” Jen cried out, tilting her head back as Judy’s mouth worked furiously on the sides of her face and neck.</p><p>The sounds of pleasure coming from Jen’s mouth and the sharp sting of Jen's fingernails scratching down her spine, digging into her skin at the small of her back, elicited Judy's deepest desire - to give Jen everything, every inch of herself. Judy untied Jen’s robe and peppered her flushed chest with wet kisses, traveling down her torso until she found the spot between her thighs where Jen needed her the most, confirmed by a loud moan as she flicked her tongue against Jen's clit.</p><p>Several steady-paced tongue circles later, Jen’s back began to arch and she climaxed crying out Judy’s name, fingers firmly grasping brown hair, holding on to it for dear life. Watching Jen become so unraveled and raw under her touch was incredible, the sight was almost enough to make her come at the same time. Once Jen's breathing had evened out, Judy moved back up her body, intending to grace every part of her with thorough kisses, captivated by her unmatched beauty.</p><p>“Judy, I-“</p><p>Judy shushed Jen by placing an index finger on her lips, grabbed the covers, and pulled them up to their necks. She rolled over and pressed her back against Jen’s front, cradling herself into her. Jen stayed silent, draped an arm over Judy’s stomach, and placed tender kisses on the back of Judy's neck instead. Half an hour later, as they were about to surrender back to sleep, Jen’s phone went off.</p><p>“Fuck,” Jen grunted as she turned the alarm off and dropped the phone, landing somewhere behind her.</p><p>It took every ounce of willpower to let go of Judy. Jen briefly considered taking the morning off but her two back-to-back meetings were too important to cancel with such short notice. Before she got up, she whispered "I love you" at least ten times into Judy's ear until Judy started to giggle. The floodgates had opened and it felt magical to be able to voice the three words that used to scare the shit out of her. Judy's pink floral robe had been left disregarded on the floor beside the bed, so Jen picked it up and tied it back around her waist, blissfully aware of the two curious eyes watching her as she tiptoed towards the door.</p><p>“Nice ass,” Judy’s voice was smug, glowing red cheeks and messy hair sticking out from under the sheets.</p><p>“Yeah? You like it?” Jen put her hands on her hips and started shaking her ass as vigorously as her back allowed, just to make Judy laugh.</p><p>"How can you even move like that?” Judy asked between outbursts of laughter, "I love it so much."</p><p>“I didn’t think I could, I haven’t done that in twenty years,” Jen said as she turned back around and curtsied to Judy like a ballerina.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Jen was brushing her teeth when Judy entered the bathroom holding two coffee mugs.</p><p>“I made a heart,” Judy noted proudly and placed Jen’s mug on the table in front of her.</p><p>“Um, Judy,” Jen paused mid-sentence to take a closer look at her neck in the mirror, realizing that the evidence of yesterday’s events had escalated overnight, “I need to borrow something that covers all this.”</p><p>“Covers what?” Judy asked nonchalantly, looking for her earrings.</p><p>“These fucking hickeys, Judes. They’re all over my fucking neck!”</p><p>Judy almost spat out her coffee when she saw the situation on Jen’s neck.</p><p>“Oh, fuck.”</p><p>“Yes, fucking fuck. Please find something, anything!”</p><p>Judy rushed into the bathroom minutes later with two turtlenecks, one in each hand, a plain black one, and a thicker red one. Jen couldn’t help but smile, wearing a turtleneck wasn't ideal but it wasn't the worst idea either. She tried the black one first, it was definitely tight and about half a size too small but she made it work by tucking it into her jeans and pulling the short sleeves up to her elbows.</p><p>“This okay?” Jen twirled around with her hands in the back pockets of her jeans.</p><p>Judy walked up to her to hug her sideways, snaking her arms around her waist, relieved that the emergency had been solved.</p><p>“More than okay. You’re gorgeous.”</p><p>Jen picked up her mug, the foam heart still perfectly intact. “It covers everything on the back of my neck too, right?”</p><p>“The hickeys are covered but you do have a few grey hairs,” Judy said as she ran her fingers over the nape of Jen’s neck.</p><p>Jen choked on the first sip of her coffee. “What? Fuck you, Judy.”</p><p>"Relax, it’s totally normal for a woman your age.”</p><p>“Woman my age? I know I’m old but I’m not that much older than you.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m just saying…”</p><p>“You know what,” Jen tried to pull away, but Judy’s arms were stronger than she anticipated, “this conversation alone is giving me grey hairs.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you,” Judy responded, now running her fingers further into Jen’s scalp, checking for more evidence of grey.</p><p>“I’m not <em>worried</em> about it,” Jen sounded defensive as she tried to pull away from Judy again.</p><p>“Let me fix it for you,” Judy whispered against her cheek, “meet me at the salon after work.”</p><p>Jen would never get tired of Judy’s lips against her skin and when she looked back up, Judy’s puppy eyes and little pout had made an appearance too.</p><p>“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Jen sighed in defeat, knowing it was impossible to stay mad at Judy.</p><p>Judy shrugged with a smug smile across her face.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Judy's fertility specialist had recommended taking the day off to rest after yesterday’s procedure. Unfortunately, Judy's day had been fully booked weeks ago and the thought of letting her clients down by canceling their appointments gave her major anxiety but after some debating and compromising with Jen, Judy settled on taking the morning off. Since she was up with no plans and nowhere to go, Judy felt like making herself useful so she headed to the kitchen while Jen got ready and prepared two green spinach and mango breakfast smoothies, pouring Jen’s smoothie into an eco-friendly cup to go.</p><p>“You really didn’t have to, Jude. I could’ve just grabbed something on my way to work,” Jen took a sip of her smoothie, surprised by the decent taste, “but thank you. It looks… healthy.”</p><p>“It’s super healthy, packed with all kinds of essential vitamins. I usually drink these every morning, except when I have breakfast with you and the boys of course. I doubt the boys would agree on swapping chocolate chip pancakes for healthy green smoothies.”</p><p>“We could have both,” Jen suggested, taking mental notes to buy all the necessary ingredients for Judy’s green smoothies next time she’d go to the grocery store, “I like it, it’s very tasty.”</p><p>Jen looked around the living room while Judy went back to the kitchen to clean up. It was remarkable how the interior had been so impeccably selected and coordinated, with Judy’s stylish touch all over it. From the small plants that probably needed to be watered every day to the colorful artwork occupying the bright white walls.</p><p>She walked past the floor-length windows towards the balcony door and stepped outside, amazed by the stunning ocean view. So many thoughts raced through her mind as she leaned against the railing and overlooked the tall palm trees. The events of the night hadn't completely sunk in yet, she couldn't believe Judy was hers now, all hers, and she was determined to make Judy feel as loved, protected, and cared for as humanly possible. She wondered if being with Judy would always feel so surreal, like living an intangible wonderful dream that was bound to have a tragic end at some point. Her wild attraction scared her, she never thought she'd be capable of loving someone so passionately to the point of wanting to rip Judy's clothes off every single time she laid eyes on her. </p><p>Jen heard the balcony door slide open, snapping herself out of her thoughts as small fingertips brushed across her lower back.</p><p>“There you are,” Judy said, snuggling into Jen.</p><p>Jen looked to the side to meet Judy’s eyes and hooked one arm around her shoulders.</p><p>“The view up here is so beautiful.”</p><p>“Not as beautiful as you.”</p><p>Jen sighed and dramatically rolled her eyes, receiving giggles from Judy.</p><p>“The view is one of the reasons why I love this place,” Judy continued, now resting her head on Jen’s shoulder as both of them watched the ocean sparkling in the distance, “I always pictured myself living in a big house though, a lot like yours with a fancy backyard, a large swimming pool and a bunch of kids running around. That was my dream.”</p><p>A future with Judy wasn't some distant utopia anymore and Jen thought about how Judy’s dream of a big backyard and a herd of kids could turn into reality soon. It was easy to picture Judy in her everyday life and imagine what it would be like to live with her, to co-parent the boys with her, to wake up with her every day, and fall asleep with her every night. Jen bit the inside of her cheek as she pictured Judy spoiling the boys with delicious meals and the most nutritious lunchboxes in Laguna, taking Charlie to soccer practices and Henry to choir rehearsals, helping them with their homework assignments, and attending every parent-teacher meeting and school recital with the brightest smile on her face. </p><p>“I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy, Jude. It’s kind of disgusting,” Jen broke their silence as she locked both hands around Judy’s shoulders and pulled her closer.</p><p>“It’s okay be happy, Jen. You need to let yourself feel.”</p><p>Jen leaned her head on Judy’s, once again reminded why she loved Judy so much.</p><p>“I’m trying, okay?”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“You need to say no more.”</p><p>“To you?” Judy asked, lifting her head up and lightly bumping her cheek under Jen’s chin.</p><p>“To me and everyone else in your life. You need to learn how to put yourself first, especially now. Pregnancy will require you to do so.”</p><p>Jen pulled back a little, catching Judy’s soft gaze out of the corner of her eye.</p><p>“I think I’m getting a little bit better at saying no,” Judy whispered, scrunching her nose.</p><p>Jen turned to face Judy, mesmerized by how her dark amber eyes faded to light honey as the sunlight hit them.</p><p>“I guess we’re both improving. Slowly. In our own ways.”</p><p>Judy recognized the look in Jen’s eyes, the loving gaze that always lasted longer than Jen realized.</p><p>“Do I have something in my eyelashes?” Judy asked after a while, snapping Jen out of her stares.</p><p>“What? No, I-…it’s just your eyes.” </p><p>“What about them?”</p><p>“They're so pretty. Did you know they change colors in the sun?”</p><p>“They do?”</p><p>Jen smiled lazily as she nodded and glanced down at Judy’s lips for a second, desperately wanting to kiss them but found herself reaching for her buzzing phone instead.</p><p>“Fuck, it's work. I really should go,” Jen said as she ignored the call.</p><p>“Yes, of course.”</p><p>Judy took Jen’s hand and led her back inside. Jen put on her heels, shoved her phone and sunglasses into her purse, and grabbed her blazer and smoothie before pulling Judy in by the neck to kiss her goodbye.</p><p>“I love you, baby.”</p><p>“I love you too. See you at five.”</p><p>Jen opened the front door and smiled, remembering their silly little argument earlier.</p><p>“See you at five.”</p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>“Jen? What the hell is going on, why am I bumping into you every day now?” Christopher asked as they literally crashed into each other walking through the door.</p><p>“Nice to see you too, Chris.”</p><p>“Is it? You're not here to see me, that's for sure. What’s going on with you and Judy?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You seem close.”</p><p>“Well, we are.”</p><p>“How? You’re like night and day…”</p><p>“Jen!”  </p><p>For once in her life, Judy’s timing was perfect. Christopher stopped with the questions, looked up, and Jen noticed a huge grin spreading across his face.</p><p>“Oh, here she comes, our angel on earth. I must say I’m loving the bangs,” Christopher’s tone was surprisingly genuine, lacking the sarcasm Jen was used to. She turned around and Judy was already standing behind her, smiling nervously as she adjusted the bangs in question with her fingers.</p><p>Jen was certain her heart took an extra beat. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, but nothing was coming out, so she took a deep breath and actively tried to pull herself together, knowing that the smile on her face was about to get as ridiculously big as Christopher’s, if not bigger. She might not have been able to utter a single word or form a normal cohesive sentence but automatically bringing her hand up to Judy's forehead to swipe away a strand of hair from her eyes and letting her fingers linger for way too long was not a particularly challenging task.</p><p>Christopher broke the silence by clearing his throat.</p><p>“Can either of you explain how you know each other? Did you guys meet at my birthday party and for some bizarre reason became friends, and forgot to tell me about it?”</p><p>“Judy, can we… can we talk, in private?” Jen stumbled on her words, gripping Judy by the wrist. Judy’s eyes darted rapidly between Jen’s soft heart eyes and Christopher’s suspicious glare.</p><p>Judy nodded with a small smile on her face. “Yes, of course. Come with me.”</p><p>Judy placed her palm in Jen’s hand and led her towards the staff’s restroom, pulling her through the doorway and locking the door.</p><p>“Jesus fucking Christ, I swear you’ll be the death of me,” Jen blurted out under her breath as she leaned against one of the walls.</p><p>“Well, I hope not.”</p><p>“You look so fucking cute…”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“…and hot, and beautiful and I’m so madly in love with you that I don’t even know how to act anymore.”</p><p>“Ew, gross,” Judy joked, mimicking Jen’s displeased tone to perfection.</p><p>“Yeah, you tell me," Jen huffed, "it’s fucking gross.”</p><p>"So I take it that you like the bangs," Judy smirked, "they're a bit long but I'll fix them some other time. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing.”</p><p>Jen was completely smitten, convinced she could spend the rest of her life staring at Judy.</p><p>“Come here,” Jen reached out for Judy’s hand and pulled her backwards into her arms, slipping her hands underneath Judy’s black blazer to caress her stomach over the thin fabric of her shirt.</p><p>Judy smiled as she looked down and brought her hands over Jen’s, lacing their fingers together.</p><p>“I missed you,” Judy whispered.</p><p>“I missed you too, baby. How are you feeling? Any cramps today?” Jen brushed her cheek delicately against Judy’s, kissing her right below her earlobe.</p><p>“No, I’m good. Being at work helps, it takes my mind off things…” Judy paused when Jen started to plant soft kisses on the side of her face, tracing down her cheek, teasing with slower ones at the corners of her mouth, “…oh wow, this also helps.”</p><p>Judy leaned her head back, inhaling the scent that she loved so much and was so distinctively Jen’s, a combination of her Chanel no. 5 and cigarettes. Jen’s kisses soon became deeper, lips moving up Judy’s jawline, and her eagerness grew with every whimper escaping Judy’s lips.</p><p>“Excuse me! Are you two done?” Christopher’s squeaky voice echoed through the door, making Jen groan "fuck off Chris" into Judy’s neck while Judy attempted to fight her giggles, unsuccessfully.</p><p>“It’s a sign, Jen.”</p><p>Jen sighed, reluctantly breaking the chain of kisses.</p><p>“A sign of what? Christopher’s nosiness?”</p><p>“He’s been asking me all these questions, about us and why you were here yesterday. I didn’t tell him anything, but I know he suspects something. I’m guessing he’ll have more questions after this.”</p><p>Judy turned around in Jen’s arms, brows furrowed and gaze all serious, but the cute wispy bangs and flustered cheeks made it impossible for Jen to take her seriously.</p><p>“Or maybe he really needs to pee,” Jen joked, making Judy laugh before their lips met in a sweet kiss.</p><p>“You’re the hardest secret I’ve ever had to keep,” Judy whispered as she pulled back, foreheads touching, “I want to be with you all the time, to hold you and kiss you every day. I want to tell everyone about you… about us.”</p><p>The sincerity in Judy’s voice and the affection in her misty eyes made something burst inside Jen’s chest.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>Jen nodded. “That’s also what I want.”</p><p>“It’s not too soon?”</p><p>“No,” Jen smiled and grabbed Judy’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze, “I can’t wait.”</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>It was quiet in the salon once they emerged from the restroom. It seemed like everyone had already left for the weekend, including Christopher who was nowhere to be seen. Jen assumed he had lost his patience while waiting, understandably. Lack of patience was something they had always had in common.</p><p>“What did Chris say earlier… something about his birthday?” Jen snapped her eyes up at Judy, who was about to finish coloring her hair.</p><p>“Oh yeah. Do you remember his birthday party last year?”</p><p>Jen lifted one eyebrow. “No. Should I?”</p><p>Judy put her things away and moved in front of Jen to sit down in her lap.</p><p>“Well, you were there. With Ted.”</p><p>“How do you know I attended some party that I don’t even remember going to?”</p><p>“I was there too, Jen.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Jen’s shocked reaction brought an earnest smile to Judy’s lips.</p><p>“You really don’t remember that party? Christopher went all-in with the decorations. Tons of glitter and balloons, disco lights, karaoke, wind machines. He even had this amazing rainbow themed photo booth.”</p><p>“Honestly, it sounds like every party Chris has ever hosted.”</p><p>“You had this tight black skirt on, a white blouse with ruffled sleeves and black strappy heels. Your hair was up in a bun and I remember you arrived kind of late. Ted was already there.”</p><p>“What-, how do you remember what I was wearing?”</p><p>Judy smiled, reminiscing about that evening gave her butterflies.</p><p>“Well, I hope this doesn’t sound weird,” Judy scrunched her nose as Jen waited impatiently for her to continue, “I was secretly watching you that evening. The whole evening actually. I might have fallen a little bit in love with you… I mean, well, I know I did. I thought you were so beautiful.”</p><p>Jen let out a muffled snort, lost for words. Again.</p><p>“But I felt extremely guilty about it,” Judy continued, looking down into her lap and fidgeting with her rings, “and I remember being disappointed once I found out you had a husband, which only deepened the guilt.”</p><p>Jen brought her hand to Judy’s cheek, finding her eyes again. “I can’t believe you haven’t mentioned this before.”</p><p>Judy shrugged and a small laugh escaped her lips.</p><p>“Was Michelle with you?” Jen continued, she never liked being the one to mention Michelle in their conversations but this time she felt like she had to ask. When Judy shook her head in response, Jen put one hand over Judy’s, easing the fidgeting by calmly rubbing the back of her hand.</p><p>"Were you alone?" Jen asked again.</p><p>“No, I was there with some friends, co-workers. We were outside on the patio most of the night. I watched you through the windows.”</p><p>“You could’ve said hi.”</p><p>“God, no. You give off this whole intimidating vibe, Jen,” Judy looked back up through her bangs, the corners of her mouth slowly turning upwards. “At one point, we were standing right next to each other by the bar and I really wanted to start a conversation with you by complimenting your lipstick, but I couldn’t even drink up the courage.”</p><p>“My lipstick?” Jen chuckled, “That would’ve been a subtle start.”</p><p>“It was a cute pink shade that looked really good on you. Full chief’s kiss."</p><p>"Okay..."</p><p>"I'm just glad you never caught me staring," Judy cut in, smiling softly.</p><p>“I guess I was too caught up in my own shit to pay attention to anyone else.”</p><p>“Or I’m just excellent at going unnoticed.”</p><p>“You’re like the fucking sun, Jude. Only a self-centered piece of shit like me would not notice someone like you.</p><p>“Jen.”</p><p>“It’s true.”</p><p>“No, it’s not. I believe we weren’t supposed to meet back then.”</p><p>Silence fell between them as Jen took in Judy’s words. She knew Judy would never hurt her intentionally but it felt a lot like Judy had just ripped her heart out and stepped on it, repeatedly.</p><p>“How can you say that?” Jen’s voice was low and about to break, so she paused for a moment to try to gather herself and fight back the tears, “I wish I had met you sooner.”</p><p>“Jen, listen...”</p><p>“No, you listen. Meeting you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, apart from my boys, and I constantly wonder how a future with you would look like, which also makes me think about the past and all the things I’d have loved to experience with you instead of being stuck in a loveless marriage with a husband who didn’t want me.”</p><p>The vulnerability in Jen’s tearful eyes shattered Judy’s heart. </p><p>“We still have time to experience so much, Jen. I just don’t think we would have what we have today if we had met a year ago. Our lives were different, I was in a relationship with someone I thought I’d start a family with and you were married to the father of your children.”</p><p>“But we were both so fucking unhappy, Judy.”</p><p>Deep inside, Jen knew that Judy was right but finding out that she could've met Judy, her sunshine, during the toughest and darkest period of her life left a gaping hole in her chest.</p><p>“I barely remember being at that party,” Jen continued, she’d given up on holding back the tears so they streamed down her face like two waterfalls, “I used to numb the pain and rejection with whiskey and prescription pills. There’s a lot of shit you don’t know.”</p><p>Judy pulled Jen into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry. If I had known I'd have found the courage to say something to you, something weird to bring a smile to your face.”</p><p>“I’m not sure you’d have succeeded,” Jen laughed into Judy’s neck, who kissed her temple in return.</p><p>"From now on I promise to make you smile, every day, for the rest of your life. How does that sound?”</p><p>“Ambitious.”</p><p>They broke away from their hug, laughing through the sniffles, and caught in each other’s gaze. Judy brought her hand to Jen’s face to wipe away the tears.</p><p>“You have the most beautiful smile. You know that, right?”</p><p>Jen looked away, shaking her head. Judy leaned down to nuzzle her face into Jen’s warm cheek, finding her lips to kiss, neither of them aware of Christopher standing in front of them with arms folded.</p><p>“I’m very sorry to disturb this intimate moment…”</p><p>Judy jumped up and positioned herself behind Jen’s chair, frantically blowing her bangs out of her eyes. Jen couldn’t help but laugh as she hid her face in her hands and wondered if getting caught kissing Judy was becoming a regular thing. Her new normality.</p><p>“Christopher! I didn’t see you come in,” Judy blurted out, smiling awkwardly.</p><p>“Jen is the woman you're in love with? You could’ve just told me, Judy. I’m excellent at keeping secrets,” Christopher seemed surprisingly unfazed as he narrowed his eyes at them, “and Jen, honey, I can’t say I’m shocked by this revelation. You have such big dick lesbian energy.”</p><p>Judy laughed. “She kind of does, right?”</p><p>“Judy!”</p><p>Christopher nodded. “She always has.”</p><p>“Great! Did everyone know I liked women way before I did?” Jen asked and threw her arms out in mild frustration, not liking how Christopher and Judy were teaming up against her.</p><p>“Now you know,” Judy’s voice was calm, almost apologetic as she hunched over to plant a gentle lingering kiss on Jen’s forehead.</p><p>Jen had never been comfortable with exploring any level of intimacy in public, but the innocent kiss confirmed that she craved for Judy’s affection, publicly or not, and the constant need for Judy’s touch was stronger than anything. Without much thinking, she reached out for Judy’s hand, tugged her back into her lap, wrapping her arms around her center to keep her close and protected.</p><p>“You look very cute together,” Christopher squealed, excitedly clapping his hands. “Let me guess, things are happening at the speed of light?”</p><p>Judy’s smile widened when her eyes met Jen’s, knowing they were thinking the same thing.</p><p>“Kind of. I mean, look at her, how can it not?” Judy winked at Jen, her sweet smile morphing into a cheeky grin.</p><p>Flirting was one of Judy’s many talents. Jen squirmed in her seat, sincerely hoping Chris would get the fuck out of there so she could take Judy back to that restroom and finish what she’d started earlier. The thought alone quickly became overwhelming, causing sudden pressure to build between her thighs, so she took a few deep breaths and adjusted herself in her, attempting to soothe the burn, a sensation she was barely familiar with before she met Judy.</p><p>“Isn’t it time to rinse my hair?” Jen asked, she had no idea but anything that would deviate her current state of thoughts was a welcome distraction.</p><p>“Alright, I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it and eat my dinner in peace,” Christopher waved a small paper bag from the Mexican restaurant across the street, “I have a client in about fifteen minutes.”</p><p>
  <em>Thank fuck.</em>
</p><p>“This late?” Judy asked, checking her watch.</p><p>“Oh, yes. Bridezilla is coming back.”</p><p>“I thought you had the hair all figured out by now.”</p><p>“Honestly, I don’t think she’ll ever be satisfied,” Christopher added, rolling his eyes.</p><p>“She sounds like a real fucking pain in the ass,” Jen cut in, amused by Chris’ shitty evening ahead.</p><p>“She’s not half as bad as you were.”</p><p>“What are you talking about? I was a peach.”</p><p>Christopher’s averted his playful gaze from Jen to Judy.</p><p>“Jen had a meltdown on her wedding day over her mother-in-law’s last-minute outfit change.”</p><p>Judy could tell that Jen was getting more and more agitated, so she slowly stroked her back for comfort. Judy loved hearing about Jen’s past, the good, the bad, and everything in between. Unfortunately, it wasn’t Jen’s favorite subject to talk about, so she didn’t know a lot about certain periods of her marriage, but Henry had been a great source of information. Whenever Judy tucked him into bed at night, she’d ask about the fun things he used to do with his parents, and he’d tell her all about their annual ski holidays, their Christmas traditions, and his favorite vacation ever, a weekend at Disney World, which had also been their last vacation before the divorce.</p><p>“Lorna was stalling the whole fucking ceremony, Chris.”</p><p>“Well, I must say it was the right decision. Her second option was much more luminous.”</p><p>“Mm-kay.”</p><p>“And the dressing room outburst? Poor Ted, he was…”</p><p>“Shut up Chris,” Jen hissed, she didn’t want Judy to know about that embarrassing incident.</p><p>Christopher continued, not bothered by Jen’s intense glare, “Judy sweety, if you two ever decide to tie the knot…”</p><p>“Christopher! I swear to fucking god…”</p><p>“No need to yell Jennifer. I feel like it’s my responsibility to warn Judy about potential wedding-related outbursts.”</p><p>Jen gave Christopher the finger as he turned around and strutted out of sight, eliciting a loud laugh from Judy who was trying her best to shush Jen’s half muttered cursing.</p><p>“I fucking love you.”</p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>“Look at how the cooler tones blend so nicely with your natural color!” Judy said enthusiastically while running her fingers through Jen’s hair, checking every section.</p><p>Jen was too distracted by her phone to be affected by Judy’s enthusiasm. Charlie had texted her, for some reason he needed Judy’s phone number but wouldn’t tell her why, and Jen didn’t feel like pushing him for answers. It warmed her heart that he’d reach out for Judy’s number in the first place.</p><p>“Sorry baby,” Jen finished typing, hit the send button, and took off her glasses, “it’s Charlie, he hardly ever texts.”</p><p>“Is everything okay?” Judy asked worriedly.</p><p>“Oh yes, everything is perfect,” Jen rested her hand over Judy’s on her shoulder and ran her thumb over her knuckles, smiling as their eyes met in the mirror.</p><p>“I really miss the boys,” Judy pouted, “it feels like I haven’t seen them in forever.”</p><p>“They miss you too,” Jen paused, contemplating whether it was the right time to drop the question that had been on her mind all day. The soft smile that appeared on Judy’s lips and the fact that they were way past right or wrong timings anyway reassured her to continue.</p><p>“Would you like to stay with us more often?" Jen asked, and as she waited for Judy's reaction, she realized her choice of words had been more cautious than she originally intended. Her plan all along was to ask Judy flat out if she wanted to move in with them, so she added, "you could bring over some of your clothes and stuff so you won’t have to go back and forth all the time.”</p><p>“Okay..." Judy paused, and Jen finally felt at ease as she watched Judy's beaming smile spread across her beautiful face, "I’d love to share a closet with you.”</p><p>Jen laughed. "We can share more than just a closet."</p><p>Judy’s smile was still plastered across her face as she brushed Jen’s hair. Spending time with Jen and the boys in their home had always felt like home to her as well. All three of them made her feel so welcome. She loved to watch action movies and play video games with Charlie and it calmed her to help Henry with his paintings, but her favorite moments were the late-night talks and cuddles with Jen, cooking for her, massaging her bad back, and giving her a reason to smile on her tougher days.</p><p>“What are you thinking?” Jen asked softly.</p><p>Judy’s eyes flickered back up and she brought the focus back to the task at hand.</p><p>“Your hair grows pretty fast,” Judy said as she threaded her fingers one more time through Jen’s hair, “at this pace, it will be down to your shoulders in a month or so.”</p><p>“You think I should grow my hair?” </p><p>“No. I mean, it’s totally up to you of course."</p><p>Jen looked slightly confused. "But do you have a preference?"</p><p>Judy swallowed and thought about it until she concluded that she didn't.</p><p>"It doesn’t really matter what I think and I don't really have a preference but if I had to choose, I think I prefer the short hair because I know you like it more and that ma-“</p><p>“Just cut my hair, Jude,” Jen interrupted, she could tell Judy was suddenly nervous by how she rapidly moved her hands in sync with her word vomit. </p><p>Judy let out a big breath at last as the tension left her shoulders. "See, you still make me nervous. That hasn’t changed.”</p><p>Jen thought about how she had never had that kind of effect on anyone with such minimal effort, and sometimes with no effort at all. An innocent tease, a tricky question, a mischievous smile, a surprising wink, or a seducing tone of voice, anything that caught Judy off guard was enough to turn her into a bundle of nerves.</p><p>It was always endearing to watch Judy do her thing. Her habit of involuntarily sticking her tongue out of the corners of her mouth each time she concentrated was quite possibly Jen’s favorite thing. Judy was also very efficient, she didn’t linger much on making decisions or question herself once a decision had been made, which was the confident side of Judy that Jen loved. Judy was full of ideas regarding different lengths and styles for her hair and eventually, they agreed on taking it all the way up to her chin and make it one-length. However, around halfway through the process, Jen started having second thoughts, worrying if the shorter hair would make her look like '<em>one of those soccer moms'</em>.</p><p>
  <em>'Technically you are a soccer mom, Jen.'</em><br/>
<em>'You know what I mean!'</em><br/>
<em>'Well, it’s too late to go back now.'</em><br/>
<em>'Fuck!'</em>
</p><p>“You don’t look like any of the soccer moms I know,” Judy teased as she finished straightening the last strands, followed by a reassuring peck on the cheek.</p><p>“How many do you know?” Jen teased back, leaning into the kiss. </p><p>“Oh, so many. I’m actually very popular with the moms...” </p><p>Jen recognized the playful glint in Judy’s eyes. She had never been a particularly jealous person, she was more used to other people being jealous of her, so she doubted she’d ever get used to the enormous tides of jealousy sweeping over her when Judy played her little games.</p><p>"...but I have a girlfriend now. She's the hottest mom in Laguna."</p><p>Jen caught Judy's silly wink in the mirror and let out a laugh that sounded more like a teenage girl's giggle. She took a quick look around the salon and caught Christopher and Bridezilla in direct line of sight, which forced her to drop the idea of clenching her hands on each side of Judy’s waist and shoving her against the wall behind them. Instead, she had to settle on a less aggressive approach and grabbed Judy’s hand as she got up and locked both arms behind her neck.</p><p>“Can I take you home now?” Jen muttered, lips pressed against Judy’s teasy grin. </p><p>“My place or yours?”</p><p>“Ours.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. November 20th, 2017</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to everyone who has read, commented and left kudos so far!<br/>So sorry for the delay ✌🏻</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Happy birthday mom!”</p><p>Jen was woken up with a loud bang as Henry barged through the bedroom door at 5:45 am on a Monday. It was her birthday, but it was still a fucking Monday and after an eventful night, she needed every minute of sleep she could get. Judy had summoned Henry to help with the breakfast preparations but unfortunately, he was doing more harm than good, spilling coffee all over the tray he was carrying. Judy didn’t have the energy to calm his excitement, she was too tired herself and the smell of bacon was making her queasy as hell.</p><p>Jen lifted herself up against the headboard and pulled the covers up to her stomach, smiling at the sight of Judy and Henry running in circles and treating her better than she deserved. Judy eventually sat down by the edge of their bed to hand Jen her breakfast tray and give her a birthday kiss, but before Jen even got the chance to reciprocate, Judy was on her feet again and running for the bathroom.</p><p>“Is Judy okay?” Henry asked worriedly, mouth and chin covered in white cake frosting.</p><p>Jen pushed herself off the bed to follow Judy and reassured Henry everything was fine, suggesting he’d go wake up his brother and get ready for school.</p><p>“Let me hold back your hair,” Jen insisted as she crouched down on the floor beside Judy, who tried to usher her away. Seconds later, Judy was hunching over the toilet again, fully emptying the contents of her stomach.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Judy mumbled with her cheek resting on the toilet seat.</p><p>“Don't be sorry baby. For some fucked up reason, morning sickness is considered a good thing, remember?”</p><p>Jen gently rubbed the small of Judy’s back until she fell backward into her arms, pale as a ghost. It wasn’t the first time they found themselves on the bathroom floor early in the morning, Jen sitting with her back against the bathtub, enveloping Judy in her arms and kissing the top of her head over and over again to comfort her. It had become a well-rehearsed, established routine between them. </p><p>“I don’t know if I can do this every morning,” Judy’s voice sounded like it was about to break, so Jen hugged her even tighter.</p><p>“It will get better soon. I promise,” Jen whispered softly between kisses.</p><p>Nausea had been the first sign of Judy’s pregnancy. Even before she took the first pregnancy test, she’d been waking up feeling sick but since nausea was also a known side effect of her medication, they kept their hopes to a minimum. From early on, Jen had pressed her to <em>‘just take the test already’</em> but Judy insisted on following the doctor’s orders for the most accurate results. When it was finally time, Jen got held up at the office but made it to the pharmacy right before closing to purchase two types of pregnancy tests. They ended up waiting for the results outside on the balconies, Jen sitting down and staring at the tests in front of her while Judy paced around, too afraid to hope. When both tests read positive, Judy threw herself into Jen's arms and burst into tears. They remained in each other's embrace for a long time, which was when Jen realized she'd never shared such raw, unrestrained emotions with anyone.</p><p>Because Jen knew every curve of Judy’s body like the back of her hand by now, she was able to pinpoint the day Judy started to show. One night at the seventh week of her pregnancy, Judy was taking her time going through her nightly routine, so Jen got impatient and wrapped her arms around her middle section, immediately noticing the roundness of Judy's previously flat and toned stomach. When Jen mentioned it, Judy brushed it off on being full and bloated, <em>'</em><em>I’m only seven weeks, Jen’ </em>but the next morning she struggled to hook the top button of her jeans.</p><p>Discussing the nature of their relationship with the boys became a priority as soon as the news was starting to spread. While Henry screamed and jumped up with joy, Charlie had some questions, ranging from Judy’s meatless lifestyle to Jen's interest in women. Jen didn't blame him, it was understandable that he had some reservations about this whole new side of her and the changes that came with it. Therefore, it was both comforting and heart-warming when Charlie ended the conversation by hugging both of them and whisper <em>'Judy is cool, please don't screw this up'</em> into her ear, confirming he was more than fine with all of it.</p><p>Jen didn't know how to feel when her sexuality suddenly became the hot talk of the town, especially among the other parents at school who seemed to love scrutinizing her life. At first, it bothered her more than she liked to admit but once she got to experience the freedom of holding Judy’s hand in public and stealing kisses from her whenever she wanted to, she realized it was all worth it.</p><p>Late evenings and nights remained their together time, reserved for close intimacy, passionate kisses, and incredible sex. So much sex, way more than Jen’s bad back allowed but it was worth the payoff. Judy’s energy was usually through the roof around midnight, so instead of drifting off to sleep at a reasonable hour like a normal couple in their forties, they ended up having sex at the expense of sleep. Jen thought she’d be clueless the first time she went down on Judy but once she got into the rhythm of it, her yet unfulfilled desire to make Judy come under her touch encouraged her to the point of no constraint. Confidence ripped through her when Judy’s guidance wasn’t needed anymore, the repetitive moans escaping Judy's mouth, the wetness dripping down her chin and the intense pulsation around her fingers hinted she was doing something right.</p><p>Life wasn't always perfect though. Ted had been acting like the world’s biggest asshole since the news broke, testing Jen's patience to the extreme but thanks to Judy, she was more capable of managing her anger and prevent it from flaring up in an instant. Ted's actions didn't have the same kind of impact as before and as long as his behavior wasn’t aimed towards Judy, Jen was okay with dealing with him herself. The other, more difficult challenge she faced was Michelle's sudden, unwelcome presence in Judy's life. Michelle had been in-between places for months and since their apartment was now empty, Judy had suggested she'd move back in until she'd find something permanent. Jen tried to ignore how she felt about that setup and didn’t want to interfere, but it was hard staying silent knowing it would be best for Judy (and her own underlying jealousy) to sell that apartment.</p><p>“Do you think we'll be able to hear the baby's heartbeat today?” Judy asked quietly, but loud enough to snap Jen out of her thoughts.</p><p>Judy’s first ultrasound was scheduled late in the afternoon and even though it was her birthday and the timing of the appointment required them to cancel their plans with the boys, Jen insisted they’d keep it.</p><p>"I think so," Jen replied, rocking them back and forth, “I bet she has a strong heartbeat." </p><p>“She?” Judy shifted in Jen’s arms, “Are we having a girl?”</p><p>Jen chuckled as she played absentmindedly with Judy’s hair. “Who knows. I love my boys, but I kind of always wanted a girl. Do not tell them I said that.”</p><p>“You’re full of surprises,” Judy smiled and leaned in to nuzzle her nose against Jen’s cheek, “I love that about you.”</p><p>Jen swept Judy’s sticky bangs to the side and placed a kiss on her forehead.</p><p>“Okay baby, I need you to shower,” Jen stressed before she got up from the floor and fetched Judy a bottle of water.</p><p>“I stink?” Judy pouted after taking a big gulp, earning herself a smile from Jen as she helped her get up.</p><p>“No, but you do have vomit in your hair,” Jen said as she grabbed the hem of her own t-shirt and pulled it over her head in record time. She did the same to Judy’s tank top and tossed it somewhere behind them.</p><p>“Jen,” Judy let out a small laugh as Jen started to pull her shorts down, “I can take care of myself. Please go and check on the boys, Henry worked so hard on your scrambled eggs.”</p><p>Jen sighed impatiently. “The boys are fine, Jude. I bet Charlie is shoving those eggs in his face right now.”</p><p>She pulled out two clean towels before she got the water running and stepped in the shower.</p><p>“Are you coming?”</p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>The start of the morning hadn’t exactly gone according to Judy’s plan, but it turned out pretty great, nonetheless. The shower was hot and steamy in every possible way, and Jen used her birthday as an excuse to stall as much as possible, leaving trails of kisses all over Judy’s body before Judy eventually broke free from her arms and left to check on the boys. Dressed in one of Jen’s old t-shirts, she skipped downstairs and found Charlie and Henry having breakfast by the kitchen counter.</p><p>“Good morning Charlie,” Judy said and ruffled his hair as she circled past him.</p><p>“Morning,” Charlie responded tiredly. “Where is mom?”</p><p>“She’ll be down in just a minute,” Judy said as she grabbed a handful of dry crackers. “You like the pancakes?”</p><p>“I love them!” Henry squealed and his stuffed little face made Judy smile. She’d gone for a healthier option, replacing the white sugar with vanilla extract, and based on how fast the pancakes disappeared from the two plates, the new recipe seemed to be a success.</p><p>Jen emerged to the kitchen a little later with a relaxed smile on her face, wearing the short black silk robe Judy got her for their one-month anniversary.</p><p>“Happy birthday mom,” Charlie got up to give his mom a surprisingly long hug. Henry joined in as well, so Jen waved Judy into the hug too.</p><p>“Okay, can we please let go now?” Charlie grumbled within seconds, already uncomfortable with all the touching. To Jen’s amusement, he ended up trapped between herself and Judy, and neither of them was planning on letting him go easily.</p><p>“Nope, I need a little more…” Jen tightened her arms around her older son, “…aaah yes, just a bit more.”</p><p>“Ouch, I can’t breathe!” Henry squealed into his mom’s stomach, laughing hysterically. As they broke the hugs and stepped back, Jen really had to bite her tongue when she overheard Judy apologizing to Henry for squeezing him too tight.</p><p>“You must try the pancakes, Judy. They are so good,” Henry suggested, wide-eyed and confused as he watched Judy force down a dry bagel with a glass of water.</p><p>“Oh, I definitely will,” Judy said softly, followed by a warm reassuring smile.</p><p>“Hey boop, it’s time to go upstairs and get dressed,” Jen said as she sat down with them, sipping a cup of coffee and studying Judy's facial expressions. She had a feeling something wasn't right.</p><p>Henry hopped off his chair and wrapped his arms around Judy’s waist, whispering “I hope you feel better soon” before shooting up the stairs.</p><p>Jen reached for Judy’s hand on the kitchen counter. “What’s wrong baby? Are you nauseous? Want me to get you those watermelon ice pops?”</p><p>Judy responded by shaking her head. She got up and moved into Jen’s lap, snuggling into her body.</p><p>“What is it?” Jen repeated, sounding concerned as she hooked one hand around Judy's waist and tucked her hair behind her ear with the other, leaving her fingers to run all the way through the soft curls, “I need you to tell me so I can fix it.”</p><p>“It’s nothing…” Judy paused to keep her emotions in check, arms encircling Jen’s neck, never wanting to let go.</p><p>“It’s clearly something,” Jen whispered against Judy’s collarbone as she left a trail of gentle kisses.</p><p>“I’m so grateful for you and the boys. For most of my life, I didn't think I would ever have a family. My own family. You're my everything and it's scary to imagine my life any other way."</p><p>Jen exhaled deeply and leaned her head on Judy’s chest. “You don't have to imagine it any other way because you're not going anywhere and we're not going anywhere. You’re the most important part of this family, Judes. Honestly, I don't know where we'd be without you. We love you so, so much.”</p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>“What’s this?” Jen asked casually as she put her earrings in, gazing towards an envelope on the dresser with her name on it.</p><p>Judy, who had been fidgeting with her purse for a while, looked up abruptly. “Oh, there it is!” she breathed out as she walked up to Jen to hug her sideways, “That's your morning gift.”</p><p>“My morning gift?” Jen sounded surprised, unable to hide her huge grin as Judy placed a kiss on her cheek. “Can I open it now?”</p><p>“Well, it wouldn’t be a morning gift if you opened it tonight,” Judy teased while taking in Jen’s flawless side profile.</p><p>Jen laughed lightly and huffed “smartass” under her breath as she opened the envelope, finding a colorful birthday card and a small, beautiful sketch of three differently shaped and sized stars.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>The stars symbolize our greatest fortune.</strong><br/>
<strong>Happy birthday.</strong><br/>
<strong>I love you,</strong><br/>
<strong>Judy</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>As Jen read the message inside the card, she was taken back to the night when she came home late and found Judy drawing in their bed.</p><p>“It’s the one you’ve been working on, right?” Jen asked, running her thumb over the beautiful piece of art in her hand.</p><p>“It is,” Judy nodded, “the large star on the left is Charlie, obviously, and Henry is the smaller twinkling one on the right. The tiny star between them is the baby, protected by the other two.”</p><p>Jen looked over to her side and leaned down to find Judy’s lips in a sweet kiss.</p><p>“You’re amazing. Thank you,” Jen smiled into the kiss.</p><p>“Here’s the twist though…” Judy mumbled into Jen’s lips, earning a laugh from Jen, “…this sketch is not the original one.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Jen pulled back, gaze shifting between Judy’s eyes and the piece of paper.</p><p>“My friend who’s a tattoo artist transformed my draft into this. She's super talented, she designed all of my tattoos based on inspirations..."</p><p>“So, this is a tattoo?” Jen asked with a hint of a smirk when Judy started rambling.</p><p>“Technically, it is,” Judy pointed out and got up on her toes to throw her arms around Jen’s neck, leveling out their height difference.</p><p>Jen lifted an eyebrow. “O-okay...”</p><p>“Do you like it?”</p><p>“I love it. It’s beautiful."</p><p>“You can do whatever you want with it,” Judy added as she slowly scratched the back of Jen’s neck with her fingernails, "I guess it doesn't even have to be a tattoo. You could frame it or..."</p><p>Jen needed a moment to take it all in as she looked at the sketch one more time. She tried to pay attention to what Judy was saying but as she drowned deeper into her thoughts, Judy's voice slowly faded out.</p><p>“How about we both get it?” Jen blurted out eventually and bit down on her lip as she waited for Judy’s response. Matching tattoos were gross, but the thought of sharing one with Judy was intriguing.</p><p>Judy immediately looked up, eyes big behind the bangs. “What? I thought you’d never…”</p><p>“Get a fucking couple’s tattoo?” Jen interrupted, cracking up at the thought. “Me neither, but I’ve done a few things recently that I thought I’d never do, so why not keep going?”</p><p>Judy smiled as her devious plan seemed to be working smoothly. The matching tattoo suggestion caught her off guard, it was unexpected and uncharacteristic of Jen to come up with something like that, but she loved it. Early on in their relationship, Jen had made it perfectly clear she never wanted any tattoos but lately she had been dropping subtle hints that she might be getting more open to the idea. The fascination in her eyes as she listened to Judy explaining the meaning behind the birds on her ribcage was worth a thousand words and it encouraged Judy to draft a similar one for Jen that carried its own unique meaning.</p><p>“Are you sure? It would be permanent,” Judy warned, voice low and serious.</p><p>“No shit,” Jen snorted out a laugh.</p><p>“I’m just saying it’s not really the same as taking a nine-month wine break, giving up smoking, or chopping your hair off,” Judy teased, earning a loud cackle from Jen.</p><p>“Honestly Judes, getting a tattoo sounds like a piece of cake in comparison," Jen replied, still laughing and shaking her head.</p><p>Judy smiled as she tucked back a loose strand of Jen’s hair that fell in front of her face. "I still want you to think about it, okay?"</p><p>There it was, the playful little glint in Judy’s eyes. Jen shrugged with a smug smile on her face, unable to hide her excitement.</p><p>“Let’s just do it,” Jen said, wiggling her eyebrows, edged on by the subconscious thrill of doing whatever the fuck she wanted.</p><p>“Okay… I mean, only if you’re sure,” Judy laughed, seeing Jen so vibrant and carefree was her favorite sight in the entire world.</p><p>Jen brought her hands to each side of Judy’s face and ran her thumbs over her precious smile lines. “I've never been more sure," she whispered and leaned in to place a couple of short pecks on Judy’s lips.</p><p>“Mom! Judy!”</p><p>This time it was Charlie’s turn to barge into their bedroom unannounced, covering his eyes as soon as he stormed through the door.</p><p>“Ew, get a room!”</p><p>“We do have a room actually,” Jen mumbled against Judy’s lips, annoyed by the intrusion, “maybe you should learn to knock.”</p><p>As Jen was about to lean in for another kiss, Judy turned to face Charlie. “Are you guys ready to go? Did you pack your lunchboxes? Did Henry find his sneakers?” she asked, voice chipper.</p><p>“Can you please stop making out all the time? It’s gross,” Charlie uttered as he turned around and slammed the door on his way out.</p><p>Jen groaned and rested her head on Judy’s shoulder. “Fuck, are we really that gross?”</p><p>“I guess we are,” Judy giggled and tucked her face into Jen’s neck, breathing her in. Jen tried to step back after a while, but Judy had her fingers hooked through her belt loops so she wasn't going anywhere.</p><p>“I hate to say this baby, but we really need to get going."</p><p>Judy let go of the belt loops but wrapped her arms around Jen's lower back instead, pulling her even closer. She glanced down at Jen's lips, the urge of kissing Jen was unbearable but they were in a hurry so she whispered, "I can’t wait to celebrate with you tonight. I can’t wait to celebrate every day with you and I can't wait to grow old with you.”</p><p>“I’m already old,” Jen scoffed and rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Well, I must say you’re pretty hot for forty-five,” Judy teased and ran a thumb over Jen’s delicious bottom lip.</p><p>“Shut up," Jen laughed as she tried to playfully bite down on Judy's thumb.</p><p>“You shut up,” Judy grinned and gave in to the irresistible urge, pulled Jen in by the neck, and kissed her tenderly. Just as they were about to deepen the kiss, Charlie shouted impatiently from downstairs, forcing them to pull back and let go of each other.</p><p>Jen touched up her make-up in the mirror and quickly tousled her hair before she gathered her laptop and glasses and grabbed a coat from the closet to place over her shoulders. She leaned against the doorway to watch Judy put on her wedged heels, sitting by the foot of their bed. The view in front of her made her dizzy, the overwhelming rush of attraction required her to take a deep breath as fireworks went off in her chest. It was a sensation she was becoming way too familiar with by now and made her wonder if love was supposed to hurt so much and be so profoundly terrifying all at once. She truly had no idea.</p><p>“Are you staring at me?” Judy gave her a small, adorable smile as she looked up while fastening one of the straps around her ankle. Despite her brutal morning sickness, Judy had gained a little bit of weight over the past few weeks, her cheeks were fuller and rosier, her chest and neck were constantly flushed and needless to say, these physical changes weren’t helping Jen’s frequent heart palpitations.</p><p>“Maybe,” Jen smiled back, softly.</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>Jen nodded but she was still struggling to breathe normally. “I think so,” she said, almost choking on the words.</p><p>“You don’t look okay.”</p><p>Jen took another shaky breath, afraid to sound like a lovesick idiot if she opened her mouth.</p><p>“Jen?” Judy got up and looked in Jen’s direction, eyes full of concern.</p><p>Judy was always breathtakingly beautiful, but there was something different about her, something Jen couldn’t exactly pinpoint.</p><p>“Sorry, I just… you are…” Jen swallowed, her mouth was dry.</p><p>“Fat?” Judy laughed lightly as she battled with the zipper on her jacket, “I swear, none of my clothes fit me anymore.”</p><p>“…glowing,” Jen breathed out at last. “You’re glowing.”</p><p>Judy giggled as she tied her hair back into a loose bun and ran the back of her hand over her forehead. “I am? Maybe it's because I’m sweating. It’s so hot in here.”</p><p>Judy’s cute giggles and messed-up bangs were too much to handle, and Jen’s first reaction was to take a few steps forward but stopped midway, knowing that if she got any closer to Judy the boys would never get to school on time.</p><p>“Come on, mama. Let’s get you some fresh air,” Jen reached out a hand for Judy to take, leading her through their bedroom and down the stairs.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>After dropping the boys off at school and Judy at work, Jen was finally by her desk preparing to close one of her biggest listings to date. It had been a long and draining process, the seller was a nightmare and she’d spent too many hours faking a smile and pretending to be friendly with a snob she despised.</p><p>With the sky-high commission in mind, Jen found herself daydreaming about a vacation with Judy. Vacationing in a colder climate had never sounded particularly exciting to her but taking Judy to a small winter cabin with a cozy fireplace, located somewhere in the quiet countryside, was all she could think about. A few locations came to mind so Jen checked available flights, focusing on dates before Judy would be too far along to travel.</p><p>“Good morning, Jennifer.”</p><p>Jen took her glasses off, looked up, and offered her boss and former mother-in-law a tight-lipped smile.</p><p>“Hello, Lorna.”</p><p>“You look tired…”</p><p>Before Lorna got the chance to drop another classic insult, Jen interrupted her with a phony “thank you”.</p><p>“Listen, do you happen to know where Henry’s blue sneakers are?” Jen asked bluntly, “He had them in his backpack when he left with Ted on Friday but didn’t bring them back yesterday,” she added to clarify.</p><p>“Remind me again, what is the deal with those sequin shoes?” Lorna’s voice was cold and unmoving, no different than usual.</p><p>“They were a gift from Judy. He refuses to wear any other shoes to his recitals so it’s a whole fucking thing,” Jen explained with a small smile on her face, “I’d appreciate it if you could find them.”</p><p>“You know I’d do anything for my grandson.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>Lorna narrowed her eyes. “Have you closed the sale on the penthouse?”</p><p>“I’m finishing the paperwork as we speak,” Jen said and picked up a stack of contracts, “should be a done deal by the end of the day.”</p><p>Lorna’s intense glare softened. “Excellent. I believe congratulations are in order.”</p><p>“Fuck yeah,” Jen stretched her arms out wide and threw her head back. She wanted to scream with joy but managed to contain herself for the sake of maintaining her stone-cold realtor reputation.</p><p>Lorna lingered in the doorway for a while before stepping into Jen’s office and closing the door behind her.</p><p>“I would like to meet your girlfriend.”</p><p>Jen’s mouth dropped open in shock. “You want to meet Judy?”</p><p>“Isn’t that what I just said?”</p><p>“Yes but… why?”</p><p>“The boys speak very highly of her. I can tell she’s already a great influence.”</p><p>Jen was speechless, shocked by Lorna’s sudden interest in Judy.</p><p>“You’ve been attending our clients’ events alone,” Lorna continued, unfazed, “why haven’t you brought her yet?”</p><p>“Judy doesn’t really like work-related events,” Jen lied, she would always protect Judy from people and situations she wasn’t particularly fond of herself.</p><p>“Well, I hope you’ll bring her to our Christmas cocktail. She’s hereby invited... if she’s interested.”</p><p>Jen’s grin spread across her face faster than she intended and even Lorna’s lips quirked up for a second. The annual cocktail party was a closed event, a great excuse for the staff and their spouses to get wasted and Jen had to admit it was a fun tradition.</p><p>“Judy doesn’t drink but she sure loves Christmas,” Jen replied, feeling obligated to cover all bases since Judy planned on keeping her pregnancy a secret for at least another month. Since Jen wasn’t in the mood for further interrogation, she deliberately avoided mentioning her own sobriety.</p><p>“So, I can expect to see you both there?” Lorna asked, impatiently.</p><p>“You can.”</p><p>“I’m glad that’s settled.”</p><p>Lorna was halfway out the door when she hesitantly turned to look at Jen.</p><p>“Happy birthday, Jen.”</p><p>Lorna’s voice was different, almost motherly and Jen was too taken aback to be able to say anything. She released a long exhale when Lorna was out of sight and leaned back in her chair to process the conversation, possibly the nicest one they’d ever had.</p><p> </p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>“Hello, gorgeous.”</p><p>Judy recognized the voice and swiftly looked up, squinting into the sun to see Christopher standing in front of her.</p><p>“Hi!”</p><p>“You mind if I sit with you? I bought way too much food if you’d like some…”</p><p>“Oh, I already had lunch but thank you,” Judy replied as she scooted towards one side of the park bench.</p><p>“How are you, hon?” Christopher asked as he sat down, “I feel like we haven’t talked in a while.”</p><p>Judy stared directly down into her lap and tapped the empty salad box with her fingers. She missed the early mornings with Christopher, getting updates on all the local gossip used to be her favorite part of the day but as the morning sickness got worse, she needed to adjust her schedule accordingly.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess we’ve been pretty busy lately,” Judy mumbled as she looked up again, feeling guilty about not telling Christopher the truth and hoping her face didn’t give too much away.</p><p>“So, how’s life with Jen and the boys?” Christopher asked nonchalantly, not picking up on anything.</p><p>“Maybe too good to be true?” Judy replied with question in her voice.</p><p>Christopher pouted and reached out to squeeze Judy’s thigh. “And how’s Jen?”</p><p>“You know, Jen is… Jen,” Judy paused to laugh when Christopher rolled his eyes in response.</p><p>“A handful I assume,” he joked, provoking a louder laugh from Judy.</p><p>“Nooo, Jen is wonderful. She really is my rock,” Judy said and rubbed her belly when Christopher’s gaze shot to his lunch, “I just hope I make her happy.”</p><p>“Oh sweetie, Jen is absolutely head over heels in love with you. I’ve known her since we were sixteen and I’ve never seen her act so lovey-dovey around anyone.”</p><p>A small smile spread across Judy’s face as she pictured Jen as a teenager. “What was she like at sixteen?”</p><p>“Oh boy. Are you sure you want to know?”</p><p>Judy nodded, eager to know everything. “Wait, let me guess… feisty?”</p><p>Christopher chuckled. “Well, duh.”</p><p>“A good student?”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“Popular?”</p><p>“With the boys, yes. Not so much with the girls.”</p><p>“How come?”</p><p>“Jealousy, I assume. Jen was an incredible dancer and just effortlessly gorgeous.”</p><p>“She still is,” Judy said dreamily, mind drifting to her casual Jen with unwashed hair and bare face.</p><p>“Dancing always came first for her. She dated some guys, but it never lasted, not until Ted came along,” Christopher said and slurped his soda.</p><p>Judy had sometimes thought about how Jen’s life might have turned out if she hadn’t given up on her dream. Jen hated to dwell on the past, she never liked talking about it but she had opened up about her passion for dancing, describing it as the only thing she cared about when she was younger but ended up giving it up to become a wife and a mother.<em>‘Dancing came naturally to me, Jude. Mothering never did.’</em></p><p>“Look, maybe it’s not my place to say this but I’ll do it anyway,” Christopher continued and looked at her, lips pursed.</p><p>“Okay,” Judy replied hesitantly.</p><p>“Jen stayed with Ted for all these years for the sake of her boys. We've never talked about it, but I know she was willing to sacrifice her own happiness to keep her family together and when that wasn’t enough, it truly broke her,” Christopher paused to grab Judy’s hand as her eyes filled up with tears, “I believe she discovered a new way to love when you came into her life. You make her smile so big and laugh so hard and it’s remarkable how her eyes light up when you’re around,” he paused again and pulled Judy into a side hug, “I guess opposites do attract, huh?” he whispered and securely stroked her arm.</p><p>“Yeah,” Judy chuckled, “they do,” she sniffled and rested her head on Christopher’s shoulder, “it’s funny because I always thought my soulmate would be someone who mirrors everything I stand for, like a duplicate of myself but Jen isn’t.”</p><p>“She definitely is not,” Christopher said with his monotone voice, making both of them laugh.</p><p>“She challenges me every day. She inspires me to take chances and pushes me to stand up for myself, and she has really shown me what has been holding me back. I just love her so much… I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone,” Judy raised her head and wiped the tears off her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I don't know why I'm crying.”</p><p>“Oh, honey. You know I love a good cry session.”</p><p>Judy laughed and shook her head. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”</p><p>“For what?” Christopher looked at her, confused.</p><p>“It's because of you that we met."</p><p>"Oh shit, you're right. It always blows my mind how fast you guys must have hit it off."</p><p>"Yeah, it happened instantly," Judy returned the smile as she reminisced about how nervous she got once she realized that her newest client, Christopher’s friend Jen, was the gorgeous blonde from his birthday party.</p><p>“So, when should I pick up the boys? I assume you have a romantic evening planned out for our birthday girl,” Christopher asked as they made their way back to the salon.</p><p>Judy had been feeling bad about the ultrasound appointment being scheduled on Jen’s birthday, so she made a deal with Christopher to look after the boys for a few hours in the evening. Her plan was to take Jen to dinner at her favorite restaurant, just the two of them, go home and pop a bottle of non-alcoholic champagne in the hot tub and give Jen a full, all-inclusive body massage.</p><p>“We have this one thing to do before dinner, so I kind of need you to be at the house at five. I hope that's okay?” Judy asked apologetically, scrunching her nose.</p><p>“Sure,” Christopher looked at her suspiciously but refrained from going into details, “I’m taking the two rugrats to the arcade.”</p><p>“How fun! They love the arcade!” Judy said enthusiastically as she opened the door to the salon and gave Ana Perez, her one o’clock client, a small wink.</p><p>“I don't, but they do serve decent wine.”</p><p>Judy reached for Christopher’s arm and smiled. “Thank you, again.”</p><p>“Mhm… you owe me, babe.”</p><p>______________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>They walked into the fertility clinic just in time for Judy’s appointment. Jen was both excited and nervous, maybe more nervous than she anticipated, and she could easily tell Judy was nervous as well. It felt like everything they had been going through for the past three months led up to this moment, so being back in the clinic brought back all kinds of emotions. Anxiety, pain, and fear. But also joy, shock, and relief.</p><p>“It’s going to be okay,” Jen assured and took Judy’s hand into her lap as they waited for the doctor. She never felt completely at ease with Judy’s pregnancy, knowing it could still go either way, but she was optimistic they’d leave with good news.</p><p>“I’m a little scared,” Judy replied quietly and rubbed her belly with one hand.</p><p>“Come here,” Jen reached over and cupped Judy’s cheek, running her thumb over her cheekbone, and pressed a soft kiss on Judy’s lips. “It’s okay to be scared,” she whispered before she let go of Judy's face, "you're so brave, and I love you so much."</p><p>It wasn’t until Judy was laying down on the examination table, holding onto her hand for comfort, that Jen was able to somewhat relax. It also lightened the mood when Judy was suddenly thrown into a fit of giggles once the doctor applied gel to her abdomen.</p><p>“Babe, what’s going on?” Jen asked, almost cracking up herself.</p><p>“It-, <em>ahh</em>, it tickles!”</p><p>“Oh Jesus,” Jen shook her head, smiling at Judy, who was without a doubt the most ticklish person she’d ever met.</p><p>“Do you see what I see?” the doctor asked calmly, flashing both of them a warm smile as he moved the wand across Judy's belly.</p><p>“A baby?” Judy responded with a pure, innocent tone in her voice.</p><p>With several ultrasounds under her belt, Jen was confident she could make out what was what on that image, but nothing could prepare her for what she was looking at. She stared at the screen, at the two little bubbles side by side. Her whole body was numb, the room was spinning, she couldn’t hear or feel anything, and it wasn’t until Judy was squeezing her hand so hard, almost breaking it, that she was brought back to reality.</p><p>“Judy, honey… there are two babies,” Jen sniffled, unaware of the tears that were already streaming down her face. She made a squeaky sound that sounded like a sigh and a chuckle when she leaned forward to hide her face in the warm crook of Judy’s neck.</p><p>Judy sharply turned her head and looked at the doctor in disbelief, who confirmed Jen’s words with a nod.</p><p>“Congratulations. You’re having twins.”</p><p>Jen raised her head to check on Judy and found her tearful eyes fixated on the screen, filled with such unconditional love but also a hint of confusion. She brought one hand to the side of Judy’s face and leaned forward, forehead touching her temple, close enough to feel Judy’s hitched breath on her skin.</p><p>“Can we hear their heartbeats?” Judy whispered, still captivated by the fluttering image.</p><p>Jen stayed silent, completely in awe of Judy's calmness. None of it felt real until a strong, distinctive heartbeat filled the room, startling all three of them. Then a second heartbeat kicked in, not as strong as the first but just as fast, and Judy broke down into heavy sobs.</p><p>"So far your babies are developing just fine Ms. Hale. They are about the size of two cherries."</p><p>Judy slowly turned her head away from the screen to find Jen's eyes, who couldn't hold back any longer. She captured Judy's face between her hands and kissed her lips, hard, desperate to deepen the kiss and pour into it all the love she felt for Judy.</p><p>"Cherries," Judy repeated quietly under her breath as Jen pulled away, lips swollen and red, eyes shining with hope, "cherries are your favorite.”</p>
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